In French

Chapter Twenty eight

    I ordered those courtiers that had wronged me so greatly to stay right by my side. At first they were perplexed but their discomfort and uneasiness at having to be around me so much soon shone out on their worried faces. I talked a lot to my ladies about the miscarriage and subtly blaming them and when I gave them pointed looks they would bow their heads, obviously I was beginning to get to them and that was good.

    When we played cards I always made out that they were cheating and my ladies played along giving them disapproving looks and muttering about them. There, I would give them a taste of what it was like for me to be surrounded by whispering, hating people that were out for your downfall. I was cold and bitter, I knew it, I could feel the bitterness all sour and grating in my stomach and chest but my baby deserved to have lived and they took that chance away. I was not the skipping, gliding, naïve thirteen year old that I had been when I first met Philip. He was no longer the beautifully adoring young man I had met either. We still loved each other, that was obvious but we were not as close as before.

 ******

    I continued to go to Paris, making sure that I kept Senor Vargas and my ladies close by. I often took my children to see operas, ballets and performances mainly because I wanted them away from the atmosphere that had built at Versailles. It did them good to get out anyway.

    Two years slid by and I had long ago grown bored of teasing and humiliating the hags and dismissed them rudely from my company. As for the rumours, they had indeed escalated far from the walls of Versailles, flowing straight to Paris and then presumably through all of France. There were cartoons of me and once I saw one that had an exaggerated sketch of me beckoning to a line of lolling tongue men as I lay on a crumbling bed. The caption was: The Queen visits Paris…Every bed in Paris at least

    I had brushed it off, they were cartoons and did not mean anything. But peasants could not read yet could interpret pictures so I should not have dismissed it so readily.

    Philip bought me a holiday home somewhere peaceful and out of the way so I took my children, my ladies and Senor Vargas and we fled to this holiday home. My children could play freely in the gardens and I would not have to over watch them, anxious that they were being scrutinized by the vile people there.

    I lounged on futons drinking hot chocolate and eating it too. As the week stretched into two I felt my muscles begin to relax from their almost painfully taught positions. My children looked happier too, they were flourishing and enjoying themselves as well.

    Sometimes my ladies, my children and I would dress up as commoners and head into Paris where hopefully we would not be recognised. Under our disguises we were not under the blindingly pressing public eye and we could travel about not too poised or stressed. Admittedly we travelled in quite a large group but we were far more relaxed.

    I did not want to go back to Versailles but after three weeks in my holiday home the King sent a letter asking for my presence back at his side. Our belongings were packed up and put into carriages and then we were finally bundled into them as well. “Did you enjoy our break?” I asked August who was by then a growing twelve year old.

    He nodded eagerly and thanked me profoundly. “I loved it, mama. It was good to be free for a while.”

    I smiled crookedly at him, “it was,” I agreed. “I will try to organise it so we can come out here more often, my boy. I just want you all to be happy.”

    He gave me a beautifully sweet smile and said, “I know mama.”

    When we returned to the palace I could feel the hostile rustlings of the courtiers as they bristled. I ignored them and headed straight to my chamber. Fortunately Philip was in there and he was buttoning his waistcoat up, flicking a smile my way. “Ah, there is my wife!” He beamed striding over. “I was beginning to forget what you looked like.”

    I smiled as he pulled me into a warm embrace. “How are you?”

    “Much better now that you are here.” He pulled back slightly so that he could graze his longing lips over mine. “I missed you terribly, my love.”

    I gave a low chuckle as he pecked his way along my jaw and down my throat. “Did you really? How much?”

    “A lot.” His voice was muffled against my skin. I told him to prove it and he grinned darkly at me before pushing his mouth feverishly against my own and it quite literally took my breath away. We stumbled as he pulled me towards the bed, spinning and landing on top of me as our kisses grew ever more passionate and deeper. I had not realised quite how much I was lusting for his touch, for him to be close to me once more. Three weeks had been a long time for our marriage although he was certainly making up for that gap now. “Your skirts are too big.” He laughed as he tried to pull them up.

    “Well don’t you go ripping them,” I warned at his haste.

    “I won’t!” He kissed me hard to shut me up then and ran his hand along my neck and cheek. “I love you Anna.”

    “I love you Philip.”

******

    By the end of my twenty eighth year I was four months pregnant with another child and once again donning in the forefront of the public’s cruel eye. “You must be careful, Anna,” Senor Vargas advised as I just finished being taught a lesson of playing the harp.

    Sighing I ran my hands down my heavy royal blue skirt. “What am I supposed to have done now?”

    “Well,” he almost brayed as he handed me over some parchment. “I think you will want to read this.”

    “This is the finance of the country.” My brows furrowed as I went and sat gingerly on a chair. I skimmed through it and my stomach was tight, I stared up at Senor Vargas. “Debt?”

    He tilted his head, “it is certainly looking as if we are headed that way.”

    I snorted and shook my head, dismayed yet disbelieving. “And how is that my fault? I never go over the budget that Philip gives me a month and I am good with my money, I never spend more than I need and I do not buy luxurious extravagances all the time!”

    Senor Vargas sighed heavily, holding his hands gravely in front of him, “the people of France are beginning to feel the strain of lack of money and seeing as you are already being painted in a not particularly flattering light fingers are getting edged in your direction. Taxes are being raised again at the end of the month so I have been informed.”

    I was shaking my head, “I do not believe this! I am already a harlot in everyone’s eyes so I suppose me spending money that is not there is not be beneath me either. That is it. I thought that the people of France were behind me. The cartoons, the lies, the scandals that the Ducs and Duchesses and high ranking fools have been slamming out there must finally be working.”

    “There is no need to panic, Anna.” I gave him an almost withering look. “You can redeem yourself. You must force yourself back into the public eye, show them that-”

    “That they should not lynch me quite yet?”

    “You are a Queen now Rosanna,” he spoke sternly, fatherly, “now remember that at all times. Compose yourself. Deal with the situation logically and you will be fine. You cannot lose yourself at this point, you have far too much to lose and so does the monarchy.”

    “I wish I was back at my château,” I said rubbing my temples as my head began to throb. “It was much less stressful.”

    “Compose yourself.” He repeated firmly before turning and walking away. I glared at his back but soon wanted him to come back and help me.

    In front of a floor length mirror I took in my appearance. I was still quite youthful looking apart from my eyes, my eyes must have ages at least twenty years beyond me. I stared transfixed at my dress; the bows the lace the gold the jewels, all of it all of the prolificacy and exuberance was something that I had become completely accustomed to and quite frankly what I expected. My clothes did not differ that greatly than that of the other courtiers, they should be put to blame just as much as I was. More so because they were despicable liars. I broke contact with my reflection and charged away.