In French

Chapter Thirty three

        With guards near me at all times my erratic fear calmed its tyrant like control over my mind, a tad bit at least. A few weeks passed and I could hold my head up as I passed by the courtiers. I thought I was starting to get a grasp over my nerves and distrust over them with their whispering lies. I could get through this. Instead, I threw myself into my royal duties. It didn't help that I was under unyielding scrutiny from everyone and their pressurising of the King for my trial of treason. Evidently, if my Advisor was guilty of sleeping with me then I was guilt ridden too. I should die as well although my sweet Senor had never been tried rather disposed of in the most inhumane way. Just thinking about his murder made my blood boil! Despite this, Philip refused to discuss the subject.

    I would gather up documents and such, studying over them attempting to come up with a suitable match for August. There weren’t many princesses around his age or of the right caliber that would suit him. It was hard work made even harder now that I had to do it completely alone as Senor Vargas was dead.

    If I wasn’t working on that then I was attempting to help run state affairs or look after and teach my children the way of their royal life. It was tiring beyond belief, it matters were unhelped with me being kept up thinking and worrying for hours and hours each night. I would toss and turn unable to even consider the possibility of sleep. It made me look awful, my skin was sallow and pale I also had horrible wretched bags under my eyes that no amount of powder could fully cover up.

    “You are making yourself ill Anna,” Giselle told me softly one day as I was caught dozing in my chair.

    I flinched, pretending that I hadn’t. “I am not ill, there is no need to have any concerns about me. Seriously, I am perfectly well.” As if to counter my statement I had to stifle a tremendous yawn. But it was pleasantly warm, a hazy orange light was cast about the room in the late afternoon in a way that was ridiculously sleep inducing.

    “You are stressing yourself out too much.”

    “I need to keep myself busy.” I sighed after a while. “It is the only way-the only way that I can keep pushing onwards.” I rubbed my temples with my knuckles easing the pressure inside my skull. It was unhelpful that my hair was scraped into ungodly shapes on top of my head.

    “Let Agate and me help you with your royal duties. You can trust us solely, you know that. Let us aid you.”

    Biting my bottom lip nervously I rubbed my arms, glancing about, “I-I know that.” I nodded. “Yes, you two are my closest friends. Alright, I will allow you to help me. I have to go and get prepared,” I pushed heavily to my feet. “I-there’s a dinner on tonight.”

    As I headed down to the meal I was met with the usual dark despised glowers that even when I couldn’t see I could feel piercing right into my very soul. Try as I might it was hard to ignore them, to shake the feeling of impending doom surrounded by them. They were like demons dressed in wigs and jewels that giggled and plotted against me behind intricate fans or goblets. It made it difficult to concentrate, I was failing at holding down a conversation with any of the diplomats or aristocrats that were there.

    I kept taking my fan out, fanning myself. “My,” I puffed when I was receiving anxious glances, “It is awfully hot in here is it not?”

    “Oh yes, yes,” Agate and Giselle jumped in loudly along with my other ladies. The poor aristocrats were perplexed, utterly bewildered by the whole ordeal.

    “If you excuse me,” I spoke apologetically, scraping my chair back getting to my feet. “I do not feel well at all. I think I will retire to my chamber.”