In the Naruto world, where there aren't any cookies (Book 1 of The New Noblesse)

The first experience-agonizing

Yeah, explaining why we came back from a C-Rank Mission with an S-Rank criminal and his sidekick wasn't gonna be easy, so I let Naruto do it :)

We poofed into Sarutobi's office and were instantly surrounded by ANBU, until they recognised me. A few of them sighed.

"Kuroi, why must you make us think we're always being raided?" one asked me. I shrugged.

"'Cuz that's how I roll, yall!" I said, earning sweatdrops and chuckles. I sighed.

"You guys are seriously horrible at your job when I'm around. That's good. I'm happy being able to mess with everyone's heads. Has no one noticed the extra two chakra signatures in the room?" I asked. They were immediately tense, and gasped when they saw Zaza and Hakkun in a corner. (Yeah, 'Hakkun'. Because 'Haku' + '-kun' makes 'Hakkun. Deal with the logic) I grinned.

"Saru-chan, can they stay? They want to live peacefully in the village." I asked. The Hokage looked at me sternly.

"Kuroi, I must take the safety of my villagers into consideration and-" Zaza interrupted him.

"It's fine, we know what you mean. It was really silly of me to think anyone would take us in. Thanks for trying, kid." he said.

I turned to Zaza and Hakkun, who were turning to the door.

"Zabuza Momochi. Haku Yuki. Don't you DARE leave this village." I said, death glaring at Sarutobi, earning a flinch from everyone in the room.

"Lord Hokage. If by any chance, I were a person who killed more people than them, but was willing to change, and turned out to be as I am now, would you regret it?" I asked, my bangs covering my now red eyes. (When I get pissed, my contacts dissolve)

"...I would not." he said slowly. I nodded.

"Then you can let them in as easily as you did for me." I replied, looking up at him. The room gasped, seeing my now red eyes.

"I trust them with my life, and will not stand for unfair treatment." I snarled. Ibiki stood up.

"Brat, don't speak to the Hokage in such a manner!" he scolded, rushing towards me. I looked up at him, and slowly sucked his lifeforce out until he could barely stand. I looked away before I killed him and spoke again, my voice monotone and deadly.

"They are my friends. I have none other than my team and Akira. A 'friend' is something I have dreamt of having, ever since I was two. Never will anyone take them away from me."

"Fuck. Kago, get Akira. Tori, are you there?" I called, my voice cracked. Kago was off even before I had gotten the words out properly, and Tori's presence was slowly but surely coming back to me.

"Kuroi! Damn, not again! Kuroi, you're okay...it's okay! Tori, whatever you do, make sure she's okay!" Akira's frantic voice. I sighed in relief, and then I heard it. Or rather, I was the one who said it.

"Of course. My master will not die, and you are well aware of it." Tori was...speaking through me?