All the Ways

vi

The boys came back from their four-game road trip, which ended in a four-game sweep of Vancouver, Carolina, San Jose, and Arizona. The first place Johnny wanted to be was with Paige. They landed, then he got a ride to her place. He knocked on the door lightly and waited patiently for someone to answer.

On the inside, he was dying. He hadn't kissed her in a week and a half, and he just wanted to be with her. Texts, calls, and FaceTime chats were nice, but he just wanted to lay with her. To his chagrin, Vivienne was the one to answer the door. She stared at Johnny and said, "She's napping right now." He walked in and went straight to her room.

"I wish my boyfriend would come visit me as soon as he came back." Amber said, stuffing her mouth full of chips.

Johnny chuckled, "I'm not her boyfriend."

Vivienne replied, "Yet." And he just brushed her off.

Johnny entered Paige's room to see her sprawled out on her bed, looking so adorable, so pure; the light was shining through her blinds and onto her, making her look so majestic. God, she even looked beautiful in her sleep. He laid down in the narrow space next to her and watched her sleep. Not in a creepy way--he just thought she was beautiful and he wanted to experience it.

She tossed and turned and stretched. First looking at the time, and second looking around. She saw Johnny, but she knew he was gone. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. "Hey," he smiled.

She yawned, "Hi Johnny."

They laid together, the same way they did the week prior, and Johnny was just so excited to be with her again. But he was still bothered by that "whenever" and the comments made by her roommates. He sat up, looked at her, and grabbed her hands.

Paige could tell something was wrong with him, "What's up?"

He took a deep breath. He didn't know what to say to her, or what to do; he didn't know anything. Paige was really the only girl he had ever liked, and this feelings thing was really screwing him over.

"Why am I not your boyfriend?"

She stared at him blankly, "That's what's wrong?"

He looked like a lost puppy, "I mean... Yeah."

"I don't know, Johnny. We haven't had time for labels."

"But if I asked, would you say yes?"

She turned away from him, "I don't know."

What does she mean she doesn't know? If she doesn't know, then what was this? What were they doing? Was it nothing to her, when it was everything to him? He got a hat trick to impress her, for God's sake, and now she's saying she doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship?

He continued to stare at her like a sad puppy. She knew she had to explain herself.

"I just don't know, Johnny. I like you. I really do. I'm just scared."

"And I'm not?" He began to get angry at her for her stupid explanation.

"I'm not saying you're not! I'm saying... I don't know. You're Johnny Gaudreau. You told me yourself that you're Calgary's new hockey hero, and you have to live up to that. Every time we're together, every time you hold my hand, every time you move my hair out of my face, every time you kiss me, every time I fucking see you, I get scared. I'm afraid. I'm intimidated. I think of every single way you'd end things with me: You're too busy. You met someone else. I'm tying you down. I don't want to be that girl, Johnny."

She wasn't that girl. He knew she wasn't ever going to be that girl. He felt like a train just hit him, because he didn't know she felt that way. He didn't want to leave her because he didn't want to be alone again.

She's always been so closed and she finally let Johnny in, and he sort of wish she hadn't. She was shaking. Trembling. Her body was moving up and down and tears were streaming down her face. He pulled her in, "Shhhhh. I'm sorry. We don't have to rush into anything. We really don't. I'm sorry I asked. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I'm a mess. I wish you didn't have to come home to this."

"Come home to this? Paige, all I wanted to do was come home to you and I got that."

She smiled. She couldn't believe this boy was with her right now. She just gave a big spiel to him that she was sure would drive him away, and here he was, holding her, letting her tears soak through his shirt. He kissed the top of her head and just held her.

"You know, when I was little I hated hockey. I hated skating. I hated it so much."

She looked up at him, "What?"

"I'm just telling you about my inner thoughts," He smiled, "You know, since you told me yours."

"They're different, Johnny."

"Shhhhh. Anyway, I hated hockey, and I was always the smallest guy on the team, and I'd get called stupid shit. It really got to me sometimes, and there were times I wanted to give up. But I'm really glad I didn't."

"Because now you're here."

He nodded, "Yeah, now I'm here. With you."

She laughed, "And with Sean."

"Him too."