Lean On Me #Wattys2016

Part 38

Ashlyn

The waiter leaves our table and instantly Mateo's eyes are on mine. He's waited patiently for me to explain the freeze out by Rhett. He folds his hand and leans in as I clear my throat and try to think of where I should even start. "So we were seniors in high school. Rhett and I had started dating in the middle of our junior year." I can see the tension in Mateo's jaw as he listens. "We were friends first. I actually hung out with a big group of boys in school and he was part of that group. We were the closest out of the group. Actually, the two of us and Joseph." I feel my throat tighten at the mention of his name. It usually doesn't move me to tears anymore, but something about sharing it with Mateo makes it burn all over again.

"Rhett and started dating in the middle of our junior year. It was a really slow build that started with us just talking more, then us hanging out outside the group and then somewhere around the sixth month we told everyone and made it official. I didn't know that Joseph liked me too and that it would be hard on their friendship. Rhett felt bad that he knew about Joseph liking me and still pursued our relationship. I think that's why everything feels like it was in slow motion."

Mateo adjusts his potion, waiting from me to continue.

I laugh softly without humor, "We, um, we hadn't really done much more than kissing. My dad is a minister," I smile at the thought and his shoulders seem to relax with the information. "We were going shopping for prom. It was finally starting to feel normal again—you know, not so much tension between Rhett and Joseph. It was awful for a while. I hated that our relationship was breaking up their friendship, but Rhett...it just ate him up." I fight to keep the emotion out of my voice. "He couldn't talk to his best friend about his time with me, and Joseph wouldn't hang out with the group, if the two of us were going to be there together."

Mateo nods his head, telling me he's still right there, patiently listening as I share the toughest moment of my life. "We had just gone to get them fitted for tuxes. It was the first time the three of us had done anything alone since the big announcement. Rhett and Joseph had gotten into an argument because Joe was honest and told him it would be hard to watch us be together that night." I tuck my hair behind my ears and cross my arms. "An elderly man had a heart attack while driving. He was unconscious when he hit our stopped car with his foot on the accelerator. We flipped and were crushed between the metal of our car and his."

"I'm sorry," he says quietly and I can hear the sincerity in his voice. I nod my head and pull in a breath so he can hear the rest.

"Rhett lost his leg, but Joe lost his life. We tried to make it work for a while, but the rehab we both had to do for our injuries was just too much. I don't think Rhett really ever got over how things had been in the minutes before Joe died." I feel so much lighter with that off my chest, but I know that doesn't explain the way Rhett had acted.

"What was it like to walk away from that accident?" I've never really been asked that question and it takes a minute for me to think about the answer.

"I was in physical therapy for a year. I missed my senior year events, but I wouldn't have been up for them anyway. There was this gray cloud that loomed over me for a few years. I had to do some therapy to get past it."

"Is that why you chose to become a physical therapist?" he asks.

"I had nothing but time in between appointments. I finished my senior year quickly and started right away on college. I was worried if I didn't keep going I'd fall apart."

"And Rhett?"

"He just fell apart." I'm hit with a memory of him trying to climb the cemetery hill with his new prosthetic. It makes my heart twist and throb. "He stopped talking to all of us for a while. Then he got into some trouble with his pain medication. As you know, it would be so easy to take them for the pain in your heart when they're really prescribed for your leg." He's already nodding his head. He pulls his hands up until they are steeped in front of him.

"So what does that mean for the two of you?" I expected anger, but it's a question without judgment. I'm speechless for a minute and he moves to fill in the quiet between us. "I know what it's like to have regrets with a friend. I know what it's like to live when they didn't. It's as debilitating as it is consuming. You push people away when you really need them close."

"It could never be the way it was," I answer honestly. "There's been too much time to get back to when it worked. I'm a different person. He's a different person."

"But he still loves you." It isn't a question.

"Maybe. Yes. I will always love him too, for what we've been through, for how we had to help each other climb out of it literally as well as mentally. I guess he didn't realize there was still something more there for him until you came along." The waiter brings our water as we stay still, waiting for him to leave so we can talk again.

"What do I have to do with it? He's reminded because of my injury?" His hand moves almost unconsciously to his thigh.

"No. I image it's because he's seen the way I look in love...only this time I'm not looking at him." 

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