Lean On Me #Wattys2016

Part 41

Mateo

My hand actually shakes a little as I pull the thick stack of crisp white copy paper from the envelope. She won't be the first person to see this, or even the second or third. No, many people have read these words over the last month. They have been examined and judged, discussed and then decided on. I had to learn to let them go so that I could take the first big step into my new life. Maybe that doesn't seem so big to people who take thousands of steps everyday on their perfectly healthy legs, but I know the value of each painstaking step. The hours of therapy that can go into such a move so easily taken for granted by others.

I look up into her eyes as she stares back at mine. Without another word, I hand her the stack and finally feel the anticipation and fear leave my body when the weight of those papers are lifted from my grasp. She slides them onto her lap, her hand fanning out across the top sheet. In the center of the page, my first novel's title stands our boldly in black ink against the white background. It's followed by my full name in subscript.

Ashlyn gasps when she realizes what I've just handed her and she looks back at me, all wide-eyed and full of wonder. "You did it?" she asks. I nod my head and try not to smile too widely. "Oh my God." She looks back down at the stack of paper and grips it in her hands like feeling the pages beneath her skin will make it more real. I chuckle, I did the exact same thing with the worker at the print shop had handed it to me. I know she wants to flip to the first page, but she hesitates out of respect for my privacy.

"It's so thick it barely fits in my hand," she whispers and I can't miss this chance to get her back.

"That's what she said," I say in my best frat-boy voice. She tips her head back as she laughs and I know nothing else in the world will ever make me feel happier than having something to do with that. She punches me lightly on my arm and then returns her attention to that first page. I nudge her with my shoulder and when her eyes look up at me this time I worry she might be about to cry. "Turn the first page," I tell her.

"Really? Are you sure?" She looks back and forth from the pages to my face.

"Well my plan wasn't for you to just hold it."

In unison we both finish, "That's what she said."

Her fingers lightly lift the title page and beneath it she finds the dedication. It was always going to be her. Even before I knew her, the universe had put into play the plan to get us together and the page had remained blank until I figured out that it was her name that should grace it.

To my sunshine, my only sunshine-

This started out for me,

became about you,

and was finished for us.

I could put a million words on paper but they will never do for you what your light has done for me. I love you.

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