Haunted By You

Chapter 4 Dark to Light and Light to Dark

*AN* It's so weird to think that people are actually reading this story...hi☺️

Clarke woke to soft morning light hitting her eyelids. She lifted her gaze and saw Lexa's face, her expression calm and peaceful in her sleep. She quietly slipped out of the furs, untangling herself from Lexa. She opened the balcony doors fully, allowing the cool morning breeze to flow into the room, before she grabbed her sketchbook from a table that was otherwise covered in maps. She sat in a chair across from the bed and for the first time in weeks, Clarke picked up some charcoal.

Clarke found herself staring at the drawing she had done  two weeks ago of Lexa while she was sleeping on the couch. She had never gotten to finish it because Lexa had had a nightmare and woken up abruptly, gasping for air. She found herself filling in the details that she hadn't gotten to before. Like the way her eyes were closed ever so lightly, her long, dark lashes brushed against the tops of her cheeks, and the way the pillows and furs gathered around her head. She had just finished the final touches of shading and was admiring her work when she heard a soft groan, followed by her name, spoken by a sleep filled voice, "Clarke?"

She looked up and met Lexa's soft gaze, "Hey. How are you feeling?" "I'm alright." Clarke stood and walked over to Lexa's side, taking her hand, "Really? You do know you not supposed to lie to your doctor, right?" Lexa kissed the back of Clarke's hand and smiled softly, "I am fine, Clarke." Clarke sighed and nodded, knowing Lexa would never admit to being in pain. Lexa watched Clarke face fall when she realized that she wouldn't admit to being weak, so she added softly, "It hurts a bit, can you just change the bandage?" Clarke met her gaze and nodded, a small smile on her face. The leader of 12 clans, asking her for help. Clarke was honored that she would let her walls down with her. "I'll be right back." Lexa kissed the back of Clarke's hand once more before she left, "Okay."

Clarke left the room and walked back towards her room, knowing she should change before she returned to change the dressing on Lexa's stomach. She opened the door and stepped inside, forgetting about the tragedy that had taken place there less than a week ago. That is, until she turned around.

She froze as the wind was knocked out of her, her gaze focused on the furs of her bed, coated in dry, black blood. Lexa's blood. Her legs gave out and her knees hit the ground forcefully, which knocked her teeth together as memories assaulted her senses. She felt the blood seeping through her fingers, slick and hot, as it refused to stoop flowing from Lexa's stomach. She heard her desperate cries as Lexa's eyes closed and her sobs as her heart stopped. Clarke could still smell the blood and death that the room contained.

She leaned forwards on her hands and knees and managed to crawl into the corner of the room before emptying her stomach, not that there was anything in it. She lied down on her side and hugged her knees to her chest as she continued to dry heave. She was dizzy, she couldn't breathe, there were black dots dancing in front of her eyes, so she closed them tightly, willing the scene before her to go away. It didn't.

She opened her eyes and blinked, but her vision wouldn't clear. Tears streamed down her face as her mind refused to control her body. Her body was shaking and sweating as her heart raced, but ice washed through her veins. There wasn't enough oxygen in the room and she was getting light headed. She used the last of her air to scream, her eyes squeezing shut and her nails digging into her temples as she tried and failed to stop whatever was happening.

The next thing she knew she was being lifted into someone's arms and cradled to their chest. "Clarke! Clarke! Look at me!"

But she couldn't focus her eyes on the face of the person holding her, everything remained blurry. She was scared. She wanted to sob, but her body refused to comply which meant the only noise she made were small, strangled sounds in the back of her throat. "Shh. Clarke. Shh. It's gonna be okay."

The person holding her stood up, gathered Clarke in her arms and left the room, kicking the door shut behind them with more force than necessary. She stopped a few feet from the door and lowered herself to the ground, once again sitting with Clarke in her lap. Being in the hallway and out of her room helped, and as more oxygen entered her lungs, Clarke's vision began to clear and she was able to squeak out, "Octavia?"

Octavia smiled down at her friend and began rocking slowly back and forth in an effort to calm the panicked girl. "Hey, Princess." Clarke looked up at her, confused, "What are you doing here? The blockade-" "I snuck out again. I know you, Clarke. You don't just abandon people. So when you didn't show up at dawn I figured you had just gotten held up and would be late. But then a week went by and still nothing. So I snuck out and came back to find you. I was walking down the hallway when I heard you screaming. What happened in there, Clarke?" Clarke shuddered, "Lexa-" she cleared her throat and tried again. "Lexa got shot a week ago. She died. I had to do CPR for a long time. I got her back, O, but she wouldn't wake up. That's why I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave because I-" She was cut off as the sobs finally came."

Octavia said nothing, only held a little tighter. When Octavia realized what Clarke had been about to say, and why she was reacting like this, she moved some hair from Clarke's forehead and wiped away her tears, "You love her don't you?" Clarke smiled weakly, "Yeah, O, I really do."

When Clarke's eyes began to shut, Octavia did something she never thought she would. She leaned down and kissed Clarke's forehead saying, "It's okay to sleep now, Princess, I'll keep you safe. I'll keep both of you safe." And then she began to sing.

Clarke immediately recognized the song. It was a common lullaby from the ark.

"Dark the stars and dark the moon,
Hush the night and the morning loon,
Tell the horses and beat on your drum,
Gone their master, gone their son.

Dark the oceans, dark the sky,
Hush the whales and the ocean tide,
Tell the salt marsh and beat of your drum,
Gone their master, gone their son."

Octavia stood with Clarke in her arms. Her hands fisted in Octavia's shirt and her head was on her shoulder. Octavia began walking slowly towards the commander's room, knowing that's probably where Clarke had been staying, since it clearly wasn't in her own room. As she walked, she continued to sing the lullaby, hoping it would calm her enough to sleep. She looked exhausted.

"Dark to light and light to dark,
Three black carriages, three black carts,
What brings us together's what pulls us apart,
Gone their brother, gone our home."

Octavia pushed open the door with her shoulder, not bothering to knock. She turned to see rage in the commander's eyes when she walked in unannounced. However, her emotions shifted when she noticed a distressed Clarke in her arms. Lexa opened her mouth to say something, but Octavia simply shook her head as she finished the lullaby and set a sleeping Clarke down on the bed.

Clarke felt another door being pushed open and Octavia carried her inside, but she was too far gone to open her eyes. She barely caught the end of the lullaby.

"Hush the whales and the ocean tide,
Tell the salt marsh and beat on you drum,
Gone their master gone their son."

Clarke was out as soon as her head hit the pillow.