Haunted By You

Chapter 16 Do Not Apologize

Lexa left Clarke to her thoughts, focusing on removing each speck of dirt from her body. She found herself getting lost in the feeling of Clarke's smooth skin beneath her calloused fingers. Unconsciously, she started humming the haunting tune that used to fill the room when her mentor would take care of her tired and broken body after a particularly hard day of training. The song that meant she had done well, and it was okay to rest.

She stood and collected two different soaps for Clarke's hair, one which would remove all the dirt and grime, and the other that would make it soft and shiny again. She kneeled back beside the top of the bath and gently prodded Clarke to close her eyes before she started to massage the first round of soap into her sunlight hair.

Lexa used a small wooden cup to gather some water and rinse Clarke's hair, smiling at the peaceful look crossing the younger girl's face. Once all the soap was out, she rubbed the other bar between her hands and smoothed the oils through Clarke's hair, rinsing it out when she was done.

She continued to observe Clarke in her peaceful state, running her fingertips along the planes of her face, down her neck and the curve of her shoulder. The final notes of the lullaby faded into nothing and the room was once again still and calm.

They sat in serene silence until the bath grew cold. Clarke reluctantly opened her eyes and met her favorite green orbs. "Hey." She whispered, not wanting to break the calm atmosphere. Lexa smiled, "Hi." Clarke pulled her knees to her chest and placed her cheek against them, "That was beautiful, Lexa. Where did you learn that song?" Lexa ran her hand over Clarke's soft hair, speaking in the same hushed tone, "Anya."

Clarke's gaze flicked downwards for a few seconds before she met Lexa's stare again, "I'm sorry." Lexa shook her head and a small smile tugged at her lips, "Don't be. It's not your fault." Clarke looked down and shook her head, "I was there. Right beside her. I could have done something." Lexa tried to get  her to see reason. "What would you have done. You had just escaped the Mountain. In that moment, you were tired and bleeding and weak. What could you have done, Clarke?" Lexa didn't blame Clarke for Anya's death. She didn't want the blonde to blame herself either.

Clarke sat for a few moments. She wanted to agree with Lexa, that her body had been exhausted and broken, and that there was no way she could have saved the older blonde girl. But if there was one thing Clarke had learned from being on the ground, it was that no matter the situation, there was always a way.

Lexa thought she wasn't going to get a response, but a few moments later, she heard a faint whisper. "Anything." "What?" Clarke wouldn't meet Lexa's eyes, "I could have done anything to save her. That's the problem, Lexa. I did nothing. I stood there and did nothing while Anya bled out in my arms." Clarke's voice cracked and a few tears ran down her face, hitting the water and causing ripples to form on the surface. "Her blood is on my hands. If I had just-"

Lexa put two fingers under Clarke's chin and drew her blue gaze to meet her own. Before Lexa could speak, Clarke whispered thickly, "I'm so sorry, Lexa." But Lexa shook her head. "Do not apologize to me, Clarke. There is no need. You have done nothing that needs to be forgiven. "But I-" "No." Lexa spoke firmly yet gently. "What happened to Onya was not your fault, there was nothing that you or anyone else could have possibly done to save her. She would not blame you, I do not blame you. So waste no time blaming yourself. And from now on do not waste time apologizing to me. We are equals, Klark. And equals do not seek forgiveness from each other. Do you understand?"

Clarke nodded, leaning forward to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder and placing a sweet kiss on her neck. "I love you." She whispered. Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke's damp hair and kissed the top of her head. She answered quietly, "And I love you."

Clarke nodded and continued to lean into Lexa, sighing and sagging forward slightly. Lexa lent her strength for a few moments in the silence. Then, she leaned back just enough to tilt her head up and kiss Clarke's forehead. "Let's go to bed." Clarke nodded, "Okay."

Lexa turned and grabbed the soft fur she had brought for Clarke to dry off with. Clarke stood and Lexa wrapped the fur around her. Lexa led Clarke back into their bedroom. She motioned for Clarke to sit on the bed and went over to the wardrobe to gather Clarke's nightdress.

Placing it on the back of a chair along with her own she picked up a small container from the table and walked back over to the blonde. Clarke, who had in the meantime pulled on her boyshorts and was waiting for Lexa to help her rebind her chest, was confused to see the brunette place her clothes down before coming back to her. "Lexa?" She questioned.

Lexa didn't speak, instead she kneeled in front of Clarke and opened the small jar, gathering some of the salve on her fingers. Placing one of Clarke's feet in her lap, she began working the oils into the bottom of Clarke's feet, laughing quietly when she heard a moan from the blonde on the bed.

Clarke collapsed back onto the furs as Lexa's hands worked the pain from her tired and aching feet, moving up to her ankles once she was satisfied and continuing from there. Clarke moaned when Lexa worked on a particularly sore spot on her calf.

Lexa continued to work the tension from Clarke's body, having her lie on her stomach so she could straddle her lower back work the salve into the blonde's shoulders. At some point, Clarke had fallen asleep under Lexa, but Lexa continued to work, knowing it would help Clarke feel less sore in the morning.

As her hands worked, her mind wandered. There was an important meeting tomorrow, all of the clan leaders would be there. She needed Clarke to be at her best, physically and mentally, any sign of weakness could ruin this. Lexa sighed, she hadn't even told her yet. But, if Lexa did her part correctly, Clarke would only have to stand at her side. No words would need to be spoken and so the late notice would be okay.

Once she was done, she stood and placed the small container on the table. She slipped Clarke's nightdress over her head and laid her back down under the furs. Lexa crossed back into the bathroom and used some cold water to quickly wash her face. She pulled her nightdress on and blew out the few candles in the bathroom. She waled around and blew out the candles in the bedroom, leaving the only light to be that from the moon outside.

She crawled under the furs and pulled Clarke's back to her chest, burying her nose in Clarke's hair. She felt Clarke shift in her arms, trying to get closer, so she tightened her hold. Just as sleep was about to take her she heard Clarke faintly, "Reshop, Leksa." She kissed the back of Clarke's head and mumbled, "Sleep well, Klark."