Haunted By You

Chapter 5 You're Sorry?

Lexa stared at Octavia, who was sitting next to Clarke on the bed, brushing her hair from her face and wiping tears from her cheeks while softly singing a lullaby. "Is she alright? She left and then all I heard was screaming." Octavia met her gaze and narrowed her eyes, "Why the hell did you send her into that room?" Lexa chose to ignore her instinct to punish Octavia for speaking to her like that, knowing how close she was with Clarke, "I didn't. I asked her to change my bandage. She agreed. Then she left." Octavia scoffed at that, "Unless you forgot, Commander, the only place she would remember having bandages is the room where you died last week! The room that is still covered in your blood!" Lexa stared down at her hands, folded in her lap. "I'm sorry. I did not realize that it would affect her."

Now Octavia was livid. She got up and paced the room, sending glares to the commander with every pass. "You're sorry?! I walked in there and found her clawing at her temples, screaming next to a pool of her own vomit, all because she saw some of your blood! And you're sorry?!"

Lexa opened her mouth to defend herself, but Octavia cut her off. "NO! YOU DON'T GET TO TALK! THAT GIRL LOVES YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF HER BEING! I CAN SEE IT! SHE BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BE SAVED BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU WERE DEAD! YOU ASKED HER TO CHANGE THE BANDAGE WITHOUT THINKING WHAT SEEING YOUR WOUND WOULD DO TO HER! SHE IS NOT A WARRIOR! SHE IS A HUMAN BEING WHO CARES SO FUCKING MUCH THAT SHE WAS WILLING TO GO BACK TO THE ROOM IN WHICH YOU DIED TO HELP YOU BY DOING ANOTHER THING THAT MADE HER UNCOMFORTABLE! I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT THE EXTREME PANIC ATTACK SHE JUST SUFFERED IS JUST THE BEGINNING! SHE'S GOING TO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS, NIGHTMARES, SHE HAS FUCKING PTSD BECAUSE OF YOU! SHE MAY NEVER GET OVER THIS AND EVEN IF SHE DOES SHE SURE AS HELL WON'T BE THE SAME PERSON!"

Octavia invaded the commander's personal space and poked an accusing finger into her chest, ignoring the tears running down both of their faces. "If you even think about hurting her again after this-" "I would not dare." Octavia nodded. "Good. Now I'm going to go clean up Clarke's room. I suggest you find someone else to change that bandage and then hold this girl close enough for her to hear your heartbeat. Got it?" Lexa nodded and Octavia left the room.

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After Octavia had finished cleaning the room, she sat on the edge of Clarke's bed with her head in her hands and let out a large sigh, her warrior mask beginning to crack. She sat in silence for a few minutes, feeling the weight of the world of her shoulders. She was interrupted by a knock on the door. She slammed her mask back into place and opened the heavy door.

Lincoln was leaning casually against the other side on the wall. "Did you find her?" She nodded, her mask and voice cracking when she answered, "Yeah, I found her." Lincoln noticed the tremor in Octavia's usually steady voice. He reacted immediately, and reached up to cup her face in his hands, "What happened?" She closed her eyes as one hot tear fell down her cheek, swiftly followed by a few more. Lincoln grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the bed, where she sat as he kneeling in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Talk to me, O."

She felt the last of her composure slipping, "I've never seen her so broken before, Lincoln." He dropped one of her hands and placed it on her cheek. "What aren't you telling me?" Octavia let out a shuddering breath, "Lexa got shot a week ago. She died. The bullet was meant for Clarke. She brought Lexa back, but she went into a coma. She only woke up yesterday. Clarke came in here this morning to get clean clothes and bandages. I just cleaned it, but the room was still covered in Lexa's blood. I don't know, it must have triggered something in her. I heard her screaming, I ran in here and found her having the panic attack equivalent of a grand mal seizure."

Lincoln continued to try and comfort her, "Where is she now? Is she okay?" Octavia nodded, "I got her to calm down. She's in Lexa's room, unconscious. The emotions were too much." He nodded, "Can you take me to her?" Octavia stood, keeping Lincoln's fingers locked with hers as she lead him down the hall to the commander's room. As they stepped inside, Lincoln bowed his head towards Lexa, who was sitting up in bed with Clarke tucked into her side, playing with her blonde hair. "Heda." She looked up surprised, "Lincoln, I was not aware you were here in Polis." "I came with Octavia to find Clarke, Heda." She smiled, her gaze now on Clarke, "Of course. Of course they would come looking for you."

*AN* This chapter's a little shorter. The next one was too long so I had to break it apart. Anyways, what did you think?

Hope you guys are having a good day.

*If you need to hear it: I love you. I believe in you. You're incredible, never forget that.

Until next time my lovelies,

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear." - Jack Canfield