Haunted By You

Chapter 9 Nowe

Once they were gone, Lexa turned to Clarke, "You should eat something, my love." Clarke nodded and grabbed her plate from the table. They ate in comfortable silence, until Clarke started to feel sick to her stomach. She noticed that more than half of her food was still left, and with a small frown, reached to continue eating. Lexa stopped her, placing her hand over Clarke's. "You haven't eaten in a week, ai hodness. I do not expect you to be able to finish all of this. Allow your body to do what it can, but do not push yourself."

With a quiet sigh, Clarke moved her barely touched plate back onto the table. She used the herbs Lincoln had brought to make tea for Lexa and herself. She brought the first to Lexa, moving her empty plate from her lap, and then took her own cup, crawling back onto the bed. She sat cross-legged on the soft furs, hands curled around the warm drink.

"What were you speaking about with Octavia earlier? Is something wrong with the water here?" Lexa asked, her face scrunched up in confusion. Clarke hummed taking a sip of her tea, feeling the hot liquid soothe her dry throat before she answered with a small smile, "Before they sent us down to Earth, we had to take this class that taught basic survival skills, though no one realized we may actually need them...but anyways, our teacher always told us about how the radiation had supposedly affected the ground. He would always ask us what to do if we saw water and then go on and on about it not being safe and 'don't trust the water!' It was actually really funny." Clarke finished laughing.

Lexa chuckled, "And the other thing? When she called you 319?" Clarke's laughter died and her smile faded as she avoided Lexa's gaze, choosing instead to get up and place her mug on the table beside the bed and focus on her hands as memories of her time in a cell swept through her mind. She felt some of the scars on her back begin to tingle as she sat back down on the furs.

Lexa knew she had asked the wrong question. She set her mug beside Clarke's and put a finger under the blonde's chin. She raised Clarke's head until green met blue. "Listen to me, Clarke. You never have to tell me anything until you are ready to." Clarke leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend softly, "Thank you."

Lexa pulled her down on top of her until Clarke was flush against her and the furs were the only thing separating them. Clarke squealed at the sudden movement, "Lexa! What are you doing?" Lexa smiled, "Ai laik kep yu hir nat, ai hodness." (I'm keeping you here tonight, my love) Clarke laughed, and Lexa promised herself she would do just about anything to keep her that way. Clarke held herself up by her forearms, one on each side of Lexa's head. She leaned down and nuzzled Lexa's cheek. "Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru. With everything that I am." Lexa nodded and kissed Clarke slowly. "Always, ai hodness. Always."

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The moon was high in the sky, its gentle light spilling softly into the room. Clarke had fallen asleep long ago, but Lexa was still awake. She still held Clarke on top of her, their legs entangled and her head in between Lexa's shoulder and neck. She traced patterns on any of Clarke's exposed skin, content as her love's breath was steady.

Clarke had melted into her. Lexa could feel the muscle beneath her skin that she knew Clarke hadn't always had. She could feel the strong heartbeat in the blonde's chest. She traced the features of her face. The gentle slope of her nose, her soft eyelids and even softer lips, parted slightly as she slept. Lexa noticed the slight furrowing of Clarke's eyebrows and wondered how the younger girl managed to be that stressed even at rest.

Lexa was in the middle of using her thumb to smooth out the wrinkle in Clarke's forehead when the blonde tensed. She thought she had woken her and apologized, "I am sorry for waking you, Skai Prisa, go back to sleep." But Clarke didn't open her eyes. Lexa watched as Clarke whimpered and flinched in her arms. All she could do was hold her tighter when she started thrashing around from a nightmare. Lexa flinched when Clarke elbowed her stomach, her wound throbbing slightly, but she only held on tighter.

Her heart broke as Clarke started screaming, tears screaming down her face, and yet she wouldn't open her eyes. Lexa had had nightmares, but never something like this. She wasn't sure what to do, so she just held her and whispered in her ear, "Clarke. I'm here, Clarke. I'm okay." She finally managed to break through to Clarke and her favorite blue eyes flew open, filled with dread.

Clarke immediately threw her arms around Lexa, shoulders shaking from the force of her sobs. Lexa traced circles on her back and kissed her forehead, waiting for her to clam down. Clarke whimpered as she buried her face in Lexa's chest, "Nou bants ai. Beja. Nou nodotaim." (Don't leave me. Please. Not again)

Lexa took a deep breath in and exhaled, holding Clarke as close as she could, "Nowe." (Never)