Safe

chapter 25

Chapter 25

Will and I decided that it was far too early for him to drop me off back at my house. Instead, he brought me back to Charlotte's. I was looking forward to talking to their mum again. She was always smiling and held herself high. I admired her. Sometimes I wondered how she managed raising two little boys. If their playful banter came later on or if they gave Charlotte massive headaches from their excessive childish behaviour.

When we arrived at Charlotte home, there were a car parked I hadn't recognise from the time I was here before. I hoped I wasn't coming uninvited, even though I was with Will. She said I could come back whenever I'd like, but I felt if I didn't come with either Harry or Will, it might be tad awkward.

Walking into their house is very intimidating. I feel as if should be wearing some type of fancy clothing getting ready for Sunday Tea. But as grand and beautiful as it is, Charlotte managed to still capture a homely feel. Personal photos in frames are spread on every table and two on a wall. Crystal table tops, and squeaky clean marble floors, yet some old clothing and belongs of Wills and Charlotte's were piled at the end of the steps. Many shoes surrounding the entrance of the doorway. Yet some how all of it looked perfectly in place.

Will threw his coat at the stair banister, missing and landing on the floor. I was tempted to pick it up, but I refrained. Charlotte was in her office as we passed down the hallway leading to the kitchen. She smiled at Will and even wider when she saw me. She held her index finger up, telling us she would be just moment. We both nodded and headed toward the kitchen. Will dug right in, finding a vast amount of fattening food and holding it all in his arms before heading off to watch TV, I suppose. His taste in programmes were much different from mine. So I decided I would wait in the kitchen for Charlotte. I took a cookie from the tray in front if me. It nearly falling apart from how fresh they were.

"I see you found my chocolate chip cookies." Charlotte teased from behind me.

I immediately wanted to spit out my cookie, thinking that I just took something she made for a occasion coming up.

"I'm so sorry!" I gushed with a mouthful of cookie.

"Don't be, they weren't made for a particular reason. Just to enjoy." She smiled.

I returned her smile and took another cookie, still hungry from my lack of breakfast this morning. But these cookies seemed to be doing the trick.

"So how've you been since I last you?" Charlotte asked.

"Quite good, actually. I think I've patched some holes up with my dad. But then Harry today.." I told her, my smile drifting off a bit when I mentioned Harry.

"Ah, I was just sorting a few things out about that before you came in. I swear people don't have anything nice to about my son." She huffed.

"So how have things been better with your dad?"

"Actually we went out for dinner, and everything we had done, my mum was somehow incorporated into it. I wore her dress, and he took me to the restaurant he took her for their first date. It was really quite special for me. I think he's finally starting to realise how much a daughter needs her mum, or how she needs to be reincorporated into their life." I smiled lightly.

"That's really great. When was the last time you...saw her? As in visited her." She curiously asked.

When was the last time I had visited her? Ah, it was my thirteen birthday. My dad drove me out to her cemetery, which isn't too far from here. And gave me a single purple tulip. Both her favourite colour and flower. He told me to talk to her. I didn't know what to say but I started telling her about my life and how much I missed her. When we left, I had never had felt so at peace with myself. Sometimes when I talked to her it felt like she was sitting right across from me and listening. I knew she was. I haven't since that day returned.

"It's been five years." I whispered.

Charlotte nodded and reached down the table grabbing a set of keys.

"Take the spare car. Go talk to her. You both have some catching up to do." She smiled softly.

I nodded, not feeling in the mood to object. Or, to even turn down an opportunity to see her. I took keys from her, grabbing my coat, and headed outside to find the car the keys belonged to. To my luck it was a small car. A Mini Cooper in fact.

The cemetery wasn't as far as I thought. A good twenty minutes away. When I got out, no-one was there. Probably not risking getting ill from the brisk weather. I pulled my jacket around myself tighter, and adjusted my scarf to hide my nose from the cold. My mittens were nice and thick, blocking my tiny fingers from turning into ice.

When I found her headstone, I was nearly in tears. I hadn't even cared for it. It was dirty, and the flowers on several other headstones hadn't matched hers. It was lifeless and beaten down after eighteen years. I sat right in front of tombstone, tracing the hardly readable letters.

Louise Taylor Clarke

1974-1995

In our hearts you'll always be;
The light you shed will never leave;
You left for our daughter;
The angel you had with me;
A mum and wife, like no other;
Someday we'll see each other;
Until that day;
I will always be there for Rae.

We love and Miss you, Samuel and Rae Taylor.

I cried as I read the poem aloud that my dad had specially written for her resting bed. I couldn't have imagine the pain he went through. His only love, gone. In just a blink of an eye. Because of me.

"H-Hi mum." I whispered.

"I-It's been a while. I'm sorry. I should've came to see you more. I know you're watching down on me, but I want to talk to you about what you're missing. Dad gave me your dress. He said I look just like you. I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm sorry you didn't make it because of me. That you only had 7 months before I cut your time short. Your in the earth because of me. I-If I hadn't been a baby, I would have stopped you from having me! I would've stopped you! I would've let you continue your life with dad, but you couldn't because of me!" I shouted mostly to myself.

She's down beneath the earth because of me. I am the living reason why she died. My dad went through so much pain because me. How had he not have hated me? I was the reason she was gone.

"But I'm still here. I should be where you are. But I'm not because you loved me. And you wanted me to grow and give dad something he always wanted. If it weren't for him, I would have wanted to be with you. But dad keeps me strong and tells me about the good memories. He is always there." I sniffed.

"I also have new people in my life, Mum. I have Harry. He's been awfully good to me. I really like him. He's a bit cheeky, but I think you would have really liked him. Most people don't, but I'm sure you would've seen right past it, and warm up to him like I have. He has a brother too. He's like another sibling to me, and dad absolutely adores him. And I'm sure you would have adored their mum, Charlotte as well. She's been very sweet to me, Mum. She hasn't taken your spot, but she's always there for me when I need motherly advice. She's a sweet lady, and always sees the best in everything. Even her own son. Harry involved with the law...dad isn't his biggest fan right now. But I know Harry is a good person. He hasn't been given a chance. That's all he needs. I want people to see him like I do. This weird, goofy, cheeky, person. He makes me so happy, Mum. I get these butterflies when I see him, and he always manages to get me to smile. We know a lot about each other. Will took a photo of us sleeping on the sofa together...it looks just like the one dad has in his room of you two. I wish dad would give him a chance...like you have dad one."

Crying. Crying was all I could choke out after my 'chat' with her. She didn't respond, but I knew she was listening. She didn't have to respond. It just felt nice talking to someone, letting it all out, even if there wasn't a reply.

I wiped away my last tear, and stood from the ground. I hovered over her headstone, reading the words over and over. I rubbed the top of the stone and kissed my hand placing it on the stone.

"I love and miss you, Mummy."

***

The peace I felt when I left the cemetery, surprised me. I hadn't expected to feel like the last time I visited her. I expect to feel sadness or even grief. But I didn't. It was so surreal. I didn't feel any emotion at all.

I called and asked Charlotte if I could barrow her car for a little longer. She happily agreed, telling me it was an extra anyway.

I knew exactly where I was going. Yes, I was already there today. But I felt I should be there, even if Jack was there.

Driving there was a hassle. It decided to down pour out of no where. The rain made it hard to see out the widescreen. The wipers not moving fast enough to clear the rain. Thankfully, most of the drive was straight so I able to arrive safely.

Going through the usual routine, I was checked and sent back. Hopefully coming here won't be a regular occurrence. Just to my luck Jack was still there. Even four hours later after we left. The door behind me, closed with a loud thud, and making Harry's and Jacks head snap in my direction.

"Er, I'll come back.." I said turning around, and leaving quickly.

"Rae, wait! Come back!" Harry called.

Hesitantly I came back into room, ignoring Jacks scowl. He really didn't like me. I leant up against the bars, Harry almost instantly trying to wrap his long arms around my waist through the bars.

"Well, don't expect me to leave. I'm not letting you be here alone with her, where she'll blab her mouth about everything you tell her, to her father." Jack sneered.

"I wouldn't do that." I defend.

"Mhm, I'm sure." Jack rolled his eyes.

Harry held me tighter whilst Jack and I bickered. His hands made their way into my coat pocket, where I had previously tried to warm up them up from when I was outside. With one touch, warmth was shot through my hands, warming the rest of my body.

"Babe, you're freezing." Harry whisper into my ear.

"I was outside for a bit after I left here." I sniffled.

"You're getting sick, what the hell were you doing?"

I contemplated on whether I should at this moment. With Jack watching us like a hawk. I didn't want to worry him if something went wrong. Mostly if I were to cry again. I didn't know what I was feeling.

"I was, er, visiting someone." I mumbled.

"Who?" Harry tense, his possessiveness getting the better of him.

"My mum." I whispered, feeling a tear in the corner of my eye.

I felt Harry nod understanding. His grip loosening. He placed a soft kiss to the back of my ear. Lips lingering, making me shutter at his intimate touch.

Harry was always able to make me feel like we were the only two people in the world. I had forgot Jack was even here. He was off in his own little world, typing away at his phone.

I've never been one to feel uneasy about being by myself. I've always had a few friends, Grace, and my dad. They were all I needed. Then Harry came along. I never knew what I was missing before him, and I honestly can't remember. He calms me down, he's understanding, and somehow he makes me feel safe. As if nothing could hurt, or harm me, if I was with him.

He was everything I didn't need, but everything I can't imagine living without now.





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did you cry when Rae was visiting her mum? because I did when I wrote it :(

please comment and vote!