Watch Us Run |1| The Ascension | A Doctor Who/MCU Fanfiction

Chapter Twenty Five: Goodnight

When the Doctor came into her room that night, it was to find Alex wide awake, sitting at the end of her bed with her knees up to her chest. "You okay?" he asked, not really expecting a truthful answer.

"Yeah," she replied, and they both knew it was a lie. In truth, she was freaking out. She'd barely gotten used to the idea of not being human, and now she had a new face, a new body. She didn't even recognise herself in the mirror. "What am I going to do?"

The Doctor's gaze softened; he joined her on the bed. "It's up to you."

She bit her lip. "Oh, that helps, thanks." Her sarcasm was cutting. "This is... it's... it's just..." She made a noise of frustration, burying her head in her arms. He put his arm around her shoulders, but she didn't acknowledge it. "I don't know what's happening anymore," she admitted, her voice small and scared. "Everything's changing, all at the same time, and it's too fast! I can't keep up with it. A week ago, we were different people. Every time I think I've got used to the last thing, something else comes along."

"It can be disorientating, the first time," he told her awkwardly. "There's nothing to compare it to, it's just bewildering."

"At least you knew it was going to happen," she said, her voice muffled by her arms. Her shoulders were shaking, and for a moment, he thought she was going to make a joke and move on. Then she looked up, tears staining her cheeks, and he realised he couldn't have been more wrong. "I had no idea! I'm going to have to go home to my mother and look her in the eyes and watch her not recognise me! Her own daughter!" She sobbed. "And I'm going to have to explain this thing I don't understand and pretend like it's all fine and dandy and smile and laugh like this isn't the worst thing in the world.

"I'm terrified. And confused, and, and angry, and... " She sighed shakily, wiping her cheeks furiously. "I'm grieving. I just died, and I can remember how it felt. And I'm tired. Really fucking tired of pretending everything's okay."

The Doctor closed his eyes briefly. "You don't have to pretend with me."

"But I do!" she insisted. "Because you are the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't want you to leave." She hesitated. "But I'm not strong enough to do this alone."

"I'll stay," he promised. "I'll be here, always. You're right, I don't know what it's like to go through what you have, to bear that burden. But I know what it's like to be alone. You helped me heal. Let me do the same for you."

She looked up at him then, with eyes full of anxiety and trepidation. "I'm scared."

He smiled sadly. "I know. It's okay." He held his arms open and she dove into them, clinging onto him like he was the only thing keeping her there. "Sleep," he encouraged, brushing his fingers through her new, shorter hair. "I'll be there when you wake."

And slowly but surely, she slipped away, anchored in his arms.

~~~