The Adventures of James Dean.

29.

The hacking crisis had originated in this building. On an unused desktop pc in the engineers lounge. We employed two guys, Franc and Gerard to monitor the servers and provide technical assistance where needed. I found that it ensured our systems ran a lot smoother, having an in house team. I now wished I'd installed cameras throughout the building. If we had, the culprit would be exposed, going about his or her heinous activities, and I'd be kissing my girlfriend someone else would be held responsible. And then I remembered why I hadn't.

Because I was a sleaze. Only ever interested in one thing.

Once in a while I'd brought a girl back here, before work, on my lunch break, after work, whenever. I'd always been discrete but I liked the option to use this place as an impromptu fuck pad. Now that had blown up in my face. Who didn't have closed circuit cameras on their premises? We didn't. Because I was too concerned about my seedy lifestyle, and I'd compromised the security of Radspace. Two days had passed, two days worth of instability, uncertainty, and no text from Kennedy. I'd spent last night replaying our conversation, trying to understand why I had to open my fucking huge mouth and divulge that I'd had her investigated.

Where was the leap of faith? Why hadn't I realized that the way she looked at me could only happen if she really felt something. She wasn't acting, she was falling, just like I was. Only now, she'd have hit a dead end, and all she'd do from hereon out is resent me. And I didn't blame her.

I'd always been so confident and self assured, so why did I believe her interest in me was anything other than genuine. Why was it so hard for me to believe that she liked me? Maybe because I'd never had a woman hang around as long as she had. I hadn't gone home, opting to sleep right here in the office. Rusty brought me sustenance in the form of a bagel here and a cheeseburger there, and he stood by him, closing up his own accountancy practice for the foreseeable future. Aldous and Gregor rallied round me, promising their custom would not disappear elsewhere. But their money alone wasn't enough to sustain all these jobs, the building, or my own livelihood. Now, just four days since the ceiling fell in on Radspace and and it just seemed beyond recovery. There had to be a point when I just held my hands up and called it quits.

Women were flocking to the press, telling stories of my so called sex addiction, the same terminology my sweet little sis had used. Maybe they were right, I didn't know anyone who sustained the lifestyle I did, at least not for as long as I did. Maybe I was fucked in the head and just wasn't aware of it. Or maybe this whole saga was making me question the very foundation of my life. I made a decision, with Rusty sitting on my desk, and Jen hanging in the doorway. I knew what she'd given up too. Sacrificing sleep to be here with me, distracting me with tales of our childhood, my favorite burritos from a street seller down by the park. And company.

Funny how suddenly just having someone sit with you while your head goes a million miles per hour, is comforting.

'I'm gonna settle.' I looked up at two surprised faces as we convened in my office a few days later. Surprised might not be accurate, horrified was more like it.

'James they'll find out what happened. You don't need to do that.' Jen crossed her arms over her body as Sam, one of my web guys and a guy I frequently went out with, entered the room.

I didn't care if he heard. I had to do something. We were drowning and without some definitive action we'd just dissolve.

'I'm doing it. I'll pay off those threatening legal action, they might not accept, I don't expect them to, what with their products being unveiled so unceremoniously.' I ran my hand over my exhausted face, bruises fading but still very much part of my new downtrodden look. 'I don't know how much longer I can do this, be here and see this place get run into the ground. Sam....' I gestured towards him. 'I'm gonna speak to every member of the team, and decide who I can afford to keep. I'm not bowing out of this game, I just know when it's best to depart a sinking ship.'