Errant Souls •Gratsu• (Older Version)

Safe with you

(Natsu's P.O.V)

Every muscle in my body tensed in fear, making my head spin with dizziness. I held my breath, waiting for what Gray is about to say next. What I'm guessing is that his choice is neither going to be good nor bad.

I toyed, absentminded, at the soft curls of the blanket, trying to distract myself from the tension. I could feel his dark eyes bore into my soul, and my palms is starting to sweat, until I can hear the blood thundering in my ear flesh. I cast him a sideways look, clearly telling that he is in deep concentration, and lost in his own world. I cleared my throat, and he jumped. "What's your choice?"

He seemed to hesitate, and I know that this isn't your-everyday choice where you get to decide easily without worries. This is different. This is a matter between life and death, and if he chose 'no', then all my ominous dreams may happen in the nearing future.

He shuffled reluctantly, his eyes lost in a far-away land. I snapped my fingers and he jumped back to attention, eyes losing their sparkle. I bit my lip, silently scolding myself for being so selfish.

"H-hey, it's okay, if you don't wanna tell, yeah? I-I can wait until you---"

"No." That simple word made my heart stop. Was he implying that he chose 'no' for the choice?

"No, I mean I wanted to say my decision now. I've been a coward, runing away from all my problems and responsibilites that I don't have the courage to face them. I should say this now." I glanced at him, half relieved that he didn't imply 'no' , and half curious.

His arm brushed past mine, and he blinked at me a look that I can't explain, but can understand well. I leaned onto him, feeling my pulse beat strongly, and a ache gathering like a lump in my throat. "You know," I began in a reassuring tone. But before I can say anything else, he cut me off by shaking his head. He can guess what I'm about to say, and he doesn't like it.

A thunderclap echoed, ringing like a loud call from the sky. I fidgeted slightly, feeling unbearably exposed. Gray moved closer, and I found his calmness and warmth reassuring. A cloudy, vague memory flashed in my mind; The warmth radiating from a sea of scales, The loud, yet comfortable voice. I gulped, the ache in my throat worsening. I don't want to be reminded of the excruciating pain that I felt at the loss of Igneel.

A soft sigh brought me back to the reality, and I cast a shallow glance at my mate. He looked torn, and I can feel the anguish washing of him in sickening waves, gushing to my nose where they lingered. My heart felt like a needle just stabbed through it. I hate to put him through all of this and it's even worse that I'm the one who's inflicting him, my mate, but what's not done have to be done.

I kneaded the blanket, wariness invading my systems. It's been more than five minutes already since his long speech, and he never spoke again in the last minutes. The change must be very bad to cause him to act like this.

I'm about to persuade myself to give up, and tell him that I'll give him some more time, when something unexpected came tumbling out in flashes of slurred words.

"I know you're probably hating me now, because of the time I murdered your sister in cold-blood. I've been feeling guilty about it, and it won't go away. I tried to tell myself that you don't blame me for it, but I even began to doubt myself. But you were always there for me, helping me through the hard times, and always cheering me up with your smiles. I felt the warmth I've never felt before in you, and ever since you came into my life, I experienced a taste of true love."

I sat there, feeling a combination of emotions overtook me. Butterflies started to swarm my belly, and my head felt light-headed and fuzzy. Is that a confession? Or something else? I couldn't shake the feeling off that there's something more deeper than what he said. "I felt like there's something you aren't telling me." I thought outloud. Unfortunately, he heard and he winced. I shot him a look full of guilt. I shouldn't have said that! "I-I'm sorry, I---"