never enough → josh william dun

Part 5.

{Josh POV}
I have never been more nervous in my life. I know I play myself to be some cool, layed back guy but really I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to mess up my chances with Ava. Sure I've had feelings for girls before but nothing like this. Everything she does has an effect on me. And I don't know if it's good or bad.

My thinking was cut short when I revived a call. I looked down at my phone and the caller ID was:
Av❣🌞💀
I answer the call and say hello
"Hey Jish, I'll be around at 5 I have some cleaning to do before."
She says in a cheery voice
"You sound happy miss Ava." I say as my heart is pounding out of my chest because I'm so nervous
"Okay well I will go pack my bag, finish my chores and I will drive over" she said
"Rightio Av, love you" I say
"Love you too Jishwa" she says.
Every time she says those 3 words my whole world just stops. I know we say it just as friends but I mean it. I really do.

A couple hours later and Ava arrives at my door.
"Hey Jish" she says as she steps through the door and hugs me
"Hey Av" I say as I hug her back.
I take her into my room where I showed her where to put her bag. I can't help but look at how beautiful she looks right now. Wearing something I never thought I would see her wearing, an over sized jumper and trackies. No makeup and hair down. I love her.

We go down stairs and grab some snacks such as crisps, candy, soft drinks and Icecream. We go back up to my room and jump into my bed.

We are halfway through Finding Nemo and Ava gets up.
"Av, what are you doing?" I ask her
"Oh I'm really craving a cigarette, I'll be back in a second" she says
"Ok" I say
She walks out and a few minutes later she hasn't returned so I decide to go an check on her. As I walk out of the door I see her looking down at her wrist and examining it. When she see's me she quickly puts it down and covers it. I instantly realise what she was looking at and walk over to her. I grab her wrist and pull up her sleeve.
"It's not what it looks like Josh, Don't pull that up!" She says in distress
I pull her sleeve up even though she is fighting against it
"They did it, didn't they!" I say to her with hurt in my eyes
"No I did it, I don't do it because of them" she says with panic in her eyes
"WELL WHY DO YOU DO IT!" I yell at her
"I DO IT BECAUSE ITS AN ESCAPE FOR ME, I HAVE NO FRIENDS, NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME, NO ONE LOVES ME!" She screams with tears streaming down her face.
"I LOVE YOU AVA! AND NOT AS A FRIEND I LOVE YOU LIKE I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU" I say
"I know I have only known you for a few weeks but I have never been more attracted to a person than you Ava and I don't know if you feel the same way about me but I can't help the way I feel." I say crying
"Josh I-I I love you too" she says
I grab her face and kiss her passionately
"I don't want to rush things Av, but I want us to be a thing" I say
"Me too" she says

Later on we are watching the most clichè movie ever, Titanic and there's something I need to get off my chest so she doesn't feel alone.
"Hey AV, you still awake?" I ask
"Yeah" she says
I put my arm out in front of her and pull up my jumper. I feel her caress my arm and then she looks up at me
"Your like me" she says with a smile
"Yeah, I've been through some shit" I say
"What? If you don't mind me asking it's ok I just realised how rude that sounde-"
"Av" I say, cutting her off "it's ok I'll tell you"
"When I was 15 I fell in love with a girl, she was great. We had been dating for like 6 months when she told me that I was a joke. She told me that she stated talking to me because her friends dared her to." I say looking down
"She said the only reason she didn't say anything earlier was because she felt bad for me because I was obviously interested. That night I went home and it was when I was in the shower that I noticed the razor, so I picked it up and smashed it against the wall so the blades fell out. I looked at it and thought to myself it couldn't hurt more than when you cut yourself with a knife or something. So I did it. It really hurt but at that time I felt like I deserved it." I said
"I won't leave you like that Jish." Says Ava hugging me "I love you too much" she says
"I love you too Av." I say

And in that moment I couldn't be happier. I have the person I love in my arms and for once. Just once. My life is going ok.