never enough → josh william dun

Part 15

Today was the day. The day I left for Colorado. I didn't sleep at all last night partly because I cried most of the night and partly because I couldn't bare the thought of leaving that beautiful pink haired boy behind. then I would remember what he did, and then I would cry some more. My phone has been blowing up like crazy for the past two days. All of the text and calls from Josh.

I wake up at 4 am as I have to catch the plane at 6 am. I shower, get dressed and do my hair. I do light makeup and wear sweats and a jumper. I had breakfast and then I sent a text out to all of my friends that I would be leaving behind today. The text said stuff about how much they had all impacted my life, considering that I grew up in Ohio, I've practically known these people all my life. I start to get teary but quickly pull myself together. I leave for the airport at 5:30 am because it usually takes 15 minutes to drive there.

I arrive at the airport and check in, I then sit down. The next 15 minutes dragged out and every person that walked through the gate I secretly prayed was Joshua. Unfortunately none of them were. It was now 6 am and they called for the flight to Colorado to begin boarding that flight. I took one last look at the gates praying that he would be there waiting for me. But he wasn't. I began to board my flight and realised that he didn't love me. If he truly did he would of come after me.

I've currently been on the flight for about three hours and i've already been through all of the Panic! albums and I'm half way through Josh and Tylers album. It's no officially an album but Josh recorded all of the songs and put them onto a disc which I then burned onto my phone. They decided to call the album Self Titled. The songs are so beautiful. My favourite is probably Fall Away, I don't really know why, but I feel like I can relate to it on an emotional level.

Just the thought of Josh can bring a tear to my eye. I miss him so much. I miss his touch, his smell, his kindness, I just miss him in general. But then I remember what he did and my emotions change in an instant from sad to mad. I can't believe he screwed me over. He used to tell me that I was 'his world'. I remember telling him that he was too good for me and him telling me 'we accept the love we think we deserve'. I pull my sweater up to my eyes to wipe away the tears and his smell instantly races through my brain. I look down and realise that this is his sweater. I must of been so tired this morning that my first instinct was to reach for one of his sweaters. God Damn it, I'm so dependant on this boy, but because I can't have him now, I'm only beginning to see him everywhere. He is a galaxy and I am only a star. When you think about that you think of a star being an achievement, only to remember there are a million more stars in a galaxy.