never enough → josh william dun

Part 18

Today I woke up in the familiar room that I grew up in. The room I loved Josh in for so many nights. The room he helped me in so many times. All of the memories came flooding back to me, but I pushed them all away. I could never be over Josh, I could push him out of my brain, for a small amount of time, but I could never forget him.

I get up out of bed and trudge down the stairs. I make myself some green tea and sit on the couch and when I go to grab my laptop from under the coffee table, I realise, it's not there.

"Shit." I mumble to myself. I ring Starbucks to see if they have It. They said they did, but a young man with pink hair came and collected it later on that day. When they mentioned the boy with pink hair my heart skipped a beat. I say thank you and hang up the phone. Did he do that so he could come see me? Does he want to apologize? I have so many questions, but then I remember. He lied and made me feel stupid. Before I can think anything else, I hear a knock at my door. I stand still for a good forty seconds before I heard josh ask if anyone is in here. I push my hair out of my face and push my glasses up to my eyes. I'm in sweatpants pants and an oversized jumper of my dad's. I open the door slightly so you can only see half my face

"What do you want?" I ask Josh with only half of my face visible.

"I want to see you." He says laughing at me

"Listen if you have my laptop just give it to me now please." I say

"I do have your laptop, but I will only give it to you if you open the door so I can see you." says Josh with that stupid smirk of his

I cautiously step out of my house and realise that Josh has gotten way taller. And manlier. And hotter!

"Did you shrink?" Asks Josh with a chuckle.

"No, dipshit." I say as I grab my laptop.

"Well one thing did happen for sure"

"What?"

"You got more beautiful" He says. It makes my stomach twist and I feel sick. I look down and push my hair out of my face.

"Listen Av I-"

"No, Don't call me that. I hate being called that!"

"But I used to call you that." ]

"Key word, Used to. Josh we don't talk anymore and quite frankly that little trick you pulled in starbucks yesterday made me really upset."

"I-I'm sorry Ava. I wanted to wait for you but-"

"But what, you got sick of waiting for me. The one you said you loved. I told you I was coming back for you Josh, I don't break promises like you, no matter how long it may take I will always keep a promise." I spit at him

"You took three years Ava! Three fucking year and you expect me to wait for you! I loved you every single day you were away, I stayed faithful to you! I know about your little boyfriend you had while you were away Ava." He yelled at me

"You know nothing about that relationship Josh." I say as I look at the ground

"Well, why don't you fill me in!" Josh says

"You want to know what happened? I'll tell you, but trust me, you are going to wish you never knew by the end of it. I met Sam at my mother's funeral. He seemed nice so we started dating. After four months, he became abusive. I tried to end things with him, but that just made matters worse. He started to physically, mentally and verbally abuse me. I was in a forced relationship that I still have scars from. He was just a recovery from you Josh because I missed you so fucking much. I would cry myself to sleep every night and just wish that you were there with me, telling me everything is going to be ok. But you weren't and it was because of a fucking stupid choice I made. I never loved him Josh. I used to tell him I did, but that's because if I didn't, he would think that I was out with others guys which would lead to me getting another beating. So there is the truth since you wanted it so bad. Goodbye Josh." I say as I begin to close the door.

"Ava, wait" he says as he puts his foot in the door

"No, Josh. Go fuck yourself." I yell at him and slam the door shut.

I haven't felt this alone in years. I turned my life around for the better up in Colorado. I quit smoking, I stopped self harming and have been clean for nearly two years. But right now i feel nothing more than to have one puff of a cigarette.