Whatever Happened To Normal?

Chapter 19:

After a good month of relaxing and becoming close to okay with what happened, Beth is back at Rick's being the nanny. The only difference is now is that she doesn't live there. No, she decided finding her own place was for the best and though Daryl offered her his spare room, she insisted that it would complicate her reformation of herself for the time being. She needed to stop feeling coddled, like everyone was tip toeing around her ever since she lost the baby and was raped. She needed to feel like a woman again, not a porcelian doll. Living with Daryl would only make it worse. He was losing his roughness, slowly, but surely. He was offering more of himself now than ever before and it slightly has begun to bother Beth. It is as though he only truly wants her now that she's 'broken'.

Sitting in the kitchen of Rick's house, Beth awaits Carl from school as she feeds Judith. It's a sad reminder of what she doesn't have. And with Michone walking around four months pregnant and glowing- getting beautiful attention from everyone, it starts to chip away at Beth's self esteem. The competition isn't real, but to Beth's mind, she is under a microscope and the examiner is picking apart her flaws and comparing her insecurities to that of Michone's baby glow. She knows no one is down playing what happened. In fact it's the exact opposite. Everyone wants to try and make it better by giving her things or consoling her through her feelings that she's well passed. It is as though everyone else is seeing her as a deformed child when really she sees herself as normal. Is she normal? Is she handling this lose normally?

As the door opens, Michone walks through with Carl, who was supposed to get off the bus, which is why Beth is there. He has ice cream all over his mouth and a dribble on his clean shirt- the shirt Beth just washed. Inside her heart twists and her stomach turns. This woman was taking her job slowly.

"Carl, I thought you were riding the bus today?" Beth inquires politely. Michone comes over and gently takes Judith from her and Beth is still simmering in her seat.

"Oh, I had a doctors appointment so I told Rick I would get him. Hi!!!" She bounces the child and Beth feels it is just to smite her. As though she's saying 'I have two babies and you have none ha ha ha ha ha!'. "You can go if you want, I got it from here."

"Okay." She gets up and leaves, not even saying goodbye to the kids- she's that mad. Driving home, she thinks about all the bullshit excuses why it's not okay to go back there and cut that bitch. She wants to smash her face into the wall and just beat the snot out of her. Not to hurt her baby, just her. As she gets closer to her apartment, she feels sick. So sick that just having her eyes open and staring at road forces her to want to throw up. Pulling over, She waits for a car to pass and gets out of her truck. Going to the passanger side she heaves into the grass, huge amounts of food she didn't even eat. It is in this moment that she wishes it was at least morning sickness. She wishes it was morning sickness because that means it had a purpose to happen. Sitting down against her wheel, she begins to sob as she feels the burn in her throat blister and spread throughout her chest cavity.

"Beth? Beth, are you okay?" Daryl, who was driving home from the shop, saw her empty truck and pulled over, worried that something bad happened. Going to her, he sits beside her and she leans her head against his arm.

"Pheww you need a mint..." He wants her to laugh, but she doesn't. She just sits there crying and crying and crying. "Beth, you have a fever darlin'...come on. Let me get ya home. I'll have Merle pick up my chopper"

Scooping her up, he sets her in the passanger seat and walks around to the drivers side. Once behind the wheel, he drives the rest of the way to Beth's and carries her to her apartment. She feels so weak and fragile in his arms-something she wishes she didn't feel, because she's felt this way for the past month and a half. Laying her in bed, he tucks her in and goes to get her cold medicine. He feels bad for her, she never catches a break when it comes to this kind of stuff. Lifting her head up, he puts two tablets in her mouth and a little water so she can swallow them. Sitting beside her on the bed, he watches her slip back into her quiet sobbing state and it kills him.

"Talk to me."

"I want a baby...." Sitting up a bit more, he is a little surprised that this is what's getting her upset. "I have no purpose..."

"Don't say that. Beth you mean the world to me. Yer purpose is to live a happy life." She rolls away from him and cries into the other pillow on her queen sized bed. Pulling up the covers, Daryl kicks his boots on and spoons Beth from behind. Kissing her shoulder blades, he feels terrible about all of this. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Get me pregnant again..." He inwardly gulps and feels trapped. He didn't want it to happen the first time, why would he want to do it a second time.

"Not right now... Later I will....but not right now honey."

What kind of promise am I making? Well shit.