Expect the Unexpected (Zack Merrick/All Time Low)

Chapter Thirty One

Zack or Alex? Who shall it be?

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Zack or Alex?

The more Erika thought about her talk with Rian, the more confused she became. Who made the better partner? Who was going to still make her happy in five or maybe ten years? She didn't know. How was she supposed to know? How was it fair to decide while her hormones were all over the place and her head felt like it was spinning constantly? How did she make this choice, when it was Zack's child and Alex's bed she was in?

Speaking of Alex, he laid with his chest pressed against her back, his hands resting on her hips. His breath was light and even, Erika had been certain he had fallen asleep by now, they'd been in bed almost an hour. Alex never took long to pass out once his head hit the pillow. It took Erika by surprise when Alex spoke, his voice groggy.

"What's up buttercup?" he asked kissing the back of her neck.

"What are we? Was it a fling, just sex or what?" Erika had to know and now was a good a time as any to ask him.

"What do you want us to be?" Alex questioned, his breath tickling the back of Erika's neck.

That was just it, Erika didn't know. Maybe, possibly if she knew how Alex felt it would make answering easier. Lacing her fingers with Alex's, Erika brought his hand up, kissing his palm she grinned and let go. Alex's hand flopped back down to her side, resting on her hip.

"You are a great guy, Alex." Erika dodged the original question.

"But?" Alex prompted, his fingers drawing lazy circles on her side.

"I have to know how you feel; I need to figure out how I feel. Do you want a relationship or is this some kind of pity? I'm having baby and I need to know where my life is heading before this all happens."

Pregnancy was supposed to be a beautiful and wonderful thing, for whom? Alex wondered. The next time he had to deal with a pregnant woman, he was going to make sure things in life and in general was a lot less complicated. He could never get a straight answer from Erika these days, it was driving him crazy.

"This is about Zack, isn't it?" Alex knew his answer, but he had to ask anyway.

Erika had been talking with Zack a little more in the last week or so, which should be thrilling instead Alex found it almost sickening. Zack had been nothing more than an asshole through all of this, Alex didn't get it. A person always deserved a second chance; he believed that, he also believed you had to give a little to get a little. This was beyond fucked up and fixing it wasn't going to be an easy task.

"Zack's the dad and if he wants to act on that, I have to let him. I can't tell him to leave. He's been a jerk, but I think he really wants to try and do the right thing." Erika explained.

Alex shifted uneasily. Just because Zack was the father, didn't mean he was going to step up and embrace that. Any idiot could get a girl pregnant and something about the situation had caused Alex to become protective. It wasn't his kid, there was no reason Alex should ever care, but he did. It made him nervous to think that in a month or so, there'd be a tiny human living just down the hall. It excited him to think about all the possibilities this same tiny being would have in their life.

Allowing Erika and the baby to stay with him was the right choice, Alex knew it. He had no problem converting a spare room into a nursery, for him there was never a second option. Alex was willing to give this little guy or girl everything they would need or could ever want. Financially, Zack could do the same and if he thought it would look good, he'd probably do it too. Morally and emotionally, Alex felt that he could better this little person; he had been around this long taking care of things. Zack Merrick didn't deserve to be a father.

"Which means he doesn't want me fucking that up for him." Alex replied, the bitterness in his voice.

He hated the idea of Zack swooping in last minute, getting the girl and saving the day. The mere thought of Zack being the big shiny hero was enough to make Alex puke. If somebody had asked him before all of this, if he wanted to be a dad, he would have laughed and walked away and now the thoughts of allowing Erika to run off and be with Zack terrified him.

Alex didn't want Zack raising this baby, damn it he wanted to be the one to teach them how to ride a bike, how to throw a football. Alex wanted to be the one to spend countless hours at dance recitals and having tea parties in the back yard. Alex wanted to be the one to sit them down and tell them they were going to be a big brother or sister, to teach them how to drive a car, to hand over their first beer and to intimidate guys asking for dates. He wanted this and here he was clueless on how to make Erika understand any of it.

"Right now that doesn't matter." Erika stated firmly, her hands locking with Alex's again. "Answer me, Alex, do you have honest to god feelings or is this just some kind of situation where we were two lonely people and we acted on it?"

"I don't think it matters, in the end it comes down to doing what is best." Alex spoke; his face was hid in the back of Erika's shoulder.

"Alex." Erika groaned. She hated when he got like this. Couldn't he just come out and say what was on his mind.

"If you want something here, then I'm fine with that. What I don't want is in a few months being told you're leaving because you realized someone else was better." Alex answered. "If you're going to run back to Zack then it doesn't matter how I feel."

Without another word, Alex slid out of bed, leaving Erika on her own allowing her some time to think, allowing Alex to think as well. Letting Alex brood a little, Erika remained in bed. All she had asked for was whether or not he'd had feelings. Was it really so hard to tell her?

Sitting in the rocking chair that was poised in the corner by the window, in the nursery Alex sighed and placed his hands over his face. Erika didn't come after him; he had half expected her too. He had expected her to come in and lecture him on how he was being childish. To walk in and tell him he had to be a man, not a coward and just tell her how he felt. He had expected her to give him some story about how her being with him would be awkward for Zack. Expectations were worthless in Alex's mind. A person always had to expect the unexpected; it was clearly how life worked.

Was it possible that he should have made her tell him how she felt? Should Alex have pestered Erika until she confessed how she felt about him? About Zack? About the entire situation? Alex groaned to himself, the noise sounding louder than it had been in the empty room. Did it even matter anymore? This charade was getting pointless, nobody would ever be happy if things kept up this way.

Woke up when Alex came back to bed, close to three hours later, Erika sighed heavily opening her eyes, with a blurred vision she glanced over her shoulder at an exhausted Alex. Laying her head back on her pillow, she closed her eyes feeling his body slip under the blankets next to hers. Yawning, Alex gently shook her shoulder.

"Wha..." She mumbled, all she wanted was sleep, "can we talk, morning?" her tired voice came in a broken sentence.

"I just wanted you to know, this is me letting you go." Alex replied softly, thankful Erika was half asleep and the lights were off. He didn't exactly want her to see his red rimmed eyes.

"Hmm, go where?" Erika hummed softly.

"Erika, I do love you. I'm not in love with you, if we became more than what we've already been it would only end badly. It's better for us to get this done now, now we only hurt each other." Alex explained.

If they waited, they only ran the risk of hurting an innocent child who never asked for any of this. Things would be rough, for a bit, Alex had fait they'd bounce back. Who knew, in a few years if they wanted to try again it might work? Right now, it would only end in disaster and Alex wouldn't set either one of them up for that.

"You...you're telling me this now?" Erika stammered a little more awake than she had been seconds ago.

Alex nodded solemnly. "You and the baby can stay here, as long as you need. I want you in my life; I hope you'll let me be in your life. We just can't do this romantically. It's not healthy and it's not okay."

"Alex." Erika cooed. She didn't know whether to be heartbroken or relieved. This made no sense and at the same time it made all the sense in the world. Sitting up she placed her hands on either side of his scruffy face, smiling sadly at him. "Thank you."