Pacifier

Chapter 19

Everything is fine. Everything is fine.

Who am I kidding? Of course it wasn't.

I had spent the rest of my Sunday curled up in a ball staring at nothing in particular. The countless amount of times that my mother walked in to see if I wanted anything, only for me to just about be able to look at her, made my heart sink.

I didn't know how to tell her. If it was breaking me this much, it would most certainly crush her.

My phone had been buzzing non stop with concerned messages from Van. He wanted to know what happened but I selfishly was keeping it to my self. Van deserved to know, but then again so did my Mum.

The time reached 2:37am and I finally had the guts to message Van back, it was just a simple message saying that I was okay.

Instantly I got a reply.

'Meet me outside xx'

It certainly wasn't the time to be outside but nevertheless, I grabbed my jacket and slipped on a pair of shoes.

Getting out of the house was no problem considering my mam was out cold on the sofa, not even an earthquake could wake that woman up.

I silently walked to the front door and unlocked it, opening it to reveal a concerned looking Van. My hand pulled the door shut whilst the other entwined with Vans.

"Where are we going?" I whispered as he took a left turn.

"To the park." Van smiled gently, pulling my body closer into his side.

The street lamps dimly lit up the way. Everything felt so dull and dreary ever since I received the message. I hated it so much.

Vans body turned into the park entrance, taking mine with it. It was empty, of course. He lead me over to the swing set and sat down. I silently followed his actions and kept my gaze forward.

"I take it the reply wasn't what you wanted to hear?" He spoke softly.

You could say that again.

"Look, El." He sighed, "you can talk to me."

By that point he had moved into a kneeling position on the ground in front of me, taking my frozen hands into his own.

I had no choice but to look him in the eye, within a split second I could feel hot tears streaming down my cheek.

"I don't know what to do Van." I cried as he wiped my tears away with his thumb.

"Shhh baby." He cooed. "Talk to me."

I needed to get it off my chest, maybe telling Van would make it easier when it came to telling my mam.

Taking a deep breath, I allowed everything to come out.

"I got a text back from his number- God, you have no idea how happy I was. When I finally read the message, it wasn't what I expected."

Van was looking me in the eye as I spoke, it was kind of comforting.

"My dad's on a business trip in the US and had left his phone behind" I bit my lip.

"Who told you that?" He asked.

An uneasy laugh fell from my lips, "Kate Murthy, my dads new fiancée."

Vans eyes widened and his lip parted slightly, although he didn't speak.

"She was also my mums best friend back in Liverpool." I sighed, "funny how people you love can stab you in the back so easily."

Kate had always seemed lovely, hence the word seemed. She was there for my mum during the divorce, although now that I think about it, she was probably trying to get my mum out of the picture.

"I don't know what to say El." Van admitted.

"You don't need to say anything." I smiled weakly.

My heart dropped even more when the realisation, that she had a daughter my age, hit. Alison, we were forced to be friends and she was now going to call my own father her step-dad. I had always disliked her.

"He's moving on, without me." I croaked.

"No babe, don't think like that. Let him talk to you, not Kate." Van tried his best to reason.

I honestly didn't know if I could bear hearing his voice. Come to think about it, I couldn't even properly recall what his voice sounded like. All I remembered was yelling.

My voice remained silence as my thoughts whirled around in my brain.

"I don't know how to tell my mum, Van. It'll break her heart even more than it already is."

He looked sympathetically before taking my hand in his, "we can tell her together. You're not going through this alone El, please remember that."

His words warmed my heart and soul. I was honestly so lucky to have gotten to know Van.

"What if that's why he hasn't spoken to me. He's got a new family, one that's not broken and torn apart at the seams." I bit my lip.

"If that's so, then he is the biggest asshole on planet earth, no offence." Van sighed, "you are absolutely amazing in every single way, yer mam is too. He's really missing out."

Hot tears rolled down my cheek as I immediately threw my arms around him. God, he was so perfect.

"Although your mam needs to know El, sooner better than later."

"I know, can you tell her with me tomorrow? I just wanna be here right now."

"Of course baby."

Even though my heart felt completely broken, Van was helping mend it. He was probably unaware of the fact that at that second, he felt like my everything.

I was glad to have him in my life.

So fucking glad.

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Hello my lovelies!

So the ride came out and we can all agree that it was freaking amazing!!!

Red is class!

Honestly so buzzing for August so that I can hear them play live, it's going to be sick!

Hope you all are having an amazing time whether you're in school, work, college, uni... Space?

I love you xxx