friends? || lapidot

Chapter 23:Thinking

Peridots P.O.V

"I-I don't know if I can.." I stuttered, feeling mixed feelings about the situation. I was confused, questions filling my head asking "why? what? and how?" In all different forms. Why would she do this to me, who would do this? What fueled this idea? How did she get this far? I was mad and felt betrayed, but then again she never intended for things to go this far, but if she never intended this, why didn't she stop it earlier? Why now? Of all times, right when I already believed I'd lost her. I was in too deep. I felt the hatred seep inside me for someone I once was was head over heels in love with, but now questioning. I didn't think it'd come down to something like this if we'd ever break up, this was so dramatic, so quick, everything has happened too fast. We only started dating just yesterday, but it feels like it's been forever already, we fused, we confessed, the encounter with Turquoise, me drowning, Lapis fighting Turquoise and getting knocked out, and then we're...
here. I felt I needed time away from Lapis, to think more on the situation, kind of let things that just happened sink it, she might need some time too.

"Lapis, I think we both need some time to.. Think! Yeah, um.. I'm just gonna go." I said before letting a tear slip out of my cheek. I tried to hide my tears with a smile, as if I wasn't broken, my fist in balls behind my back, I stood with my widest grin before I began to slowly walk off to the only place I knew to go to think, the barn. Walking off, feeling damp mud stick to my cheap flip flops, my swim trunks dripped wet still from the pool, and reaked of chlorine. Before I could get far enough, Lapis came from behind, her eyes turn to mirror.

"We're, we're not broken up right? Just on break?" She asked between breaths from sprinting after me. She looked upset with herself, from the way I saw it. Her eyes showed a clear mirror, but a gray and gloomy mirror, not showing reality that is seen by everyone, but a reality that she was seeing. It was true we are on break, but I don't know for how long, and what will happen after... Things are complicated. I didn't want to have to do this to her, seeing how sad she looked, and how sorry she seemed. But; she hurt me, bad, really bad. I know she didn't mean it I know she didn't but, I just need time to heal and think.

"Yes, we're just on break." I spoke. "For who knows how long, and what we'll do in between, and what will happen after, but, this is for the better for the both of us." I whispered before I pecked Lazuli's cheek. She blushed a little at my interaction with her, but quickly returned to her blank expression, the way she was acting now kind of reminded me of myself, no sign of emotion, feeling gloomy, quiet.

"Good" Lapis sighed and kissed me on my head. I'll miss you