Love for Two

Cracks in the Garden

Ivan had always considered his dad's garden to be a beautifully dead thing, growing out of cracks in the ground. It didn't get all the care it needed, it was beautiful but if you looked closely you'd see the lilies need more water and the daisies need more sun, the various herbs and flowers weren't being taken care of properly. 

Ivan felt his family was like that, beautiful from afar, dying up close.

But, the garden was calm so Ivan went on a daily basis.

He always felt a wave of anger as he'd enter. His mom took better care of her garden, why couldn't his dad do the same? Maybe he shouldn't be mad about that but Ivan didn't care, his life felt like it was going nowhere. Maybe Ivan wouldn't be so upset if his mom still came to visit. But she didn't and Ivan wouldn't feel any remorse and he wouldn't blame himself for the garden.

On warm summer days he might grab his dog and sit in the sun, face tilted up perfectly content. He might bring Alfred or Toris with him, the duo would sit in silence and Ivan might talk about useless things, this was the hardest part of being young, being alone but being surrounded by tons of people.

All in all the garden was dying.

One particular afternoon he'd grabbed Alfred and they sat in silence, thirteen and they understood each other even in silence. "Alfie, I've been thinking." Ivan broke the silence. 

"And?" 

"I want to stay the baker's apprentice so badly but I'm just not good enough." 

Alfred raised his eyebrows, wishing he could stay composed. "You're good enough. Let me help you practice baking." 

Ivan had agreed and they spent the afternoon baking, Alfred Jones was a saving grace.

Even when after that day Alfred made an effort to help Ivan, to keep him in his position of slight power, to keep Ivan alive. 

But when, at seventeen, Ivan called Alfred and let him see Ivan's vulnerable side once again. "Alf, can you come over, Toris is losing his mind." Ivan's voice cracked over the phone line, he might have been on the verge of tears. Ignoring the waver in his own voice Alfred went to Ivan's and didn't even knock. 

The two boys sat silently crying, Toris was talking about something and Ivan was listening with his usual intensity. Alfred almost laughed, the two were sad but they were still themselves. It had been ages since they were honest with each other, honest in feelings, honest with their time, honest in their lives.

"Toris, what's wrong?" Alfred had asked, "M-my mom she's kicking me out." Alfred stared, eyes wide, lip quivering. Ivan looked to Alfred his puffy eyes making everything seem so real, this was actually happening. The trio's world coming to a grinding halt once again. "J-just because I'm not the daughter she wanted.." Toris heaved a sigh, "I'm not the daughter I was born and she doesn't like that." Ivan nodded, Toris' mom hated the fact Toris was now a boy.

Toris' figure was still on the feminine side but he wore a binder and kept his hair short or tied back, his skin was soft and his hands delicate, not at all like a man. All three were silent, the small living room smelled like the winter air and the flowers Ivan had inside. "You could live with me... My mom's never home plus we have extra rooms." Alfred piped up, "OH NO." Toris squeaked his voice getting higher, "I couldn't impose like that, and you have a job with the baker now." Toris looked to Ivan for help, as if Ivan would agree. "Toris it's the safest bet we have right now." Alfred pointed out, "Please Toris." Ivan pleaded. Toris gave in.

Apprenticeship days were the easiest, they distracted Ivan from the best friend who was overly loving- even for his own good and the nervous poem writer, the one who was kicked out at seventeen.