Love for Two

How to Flirt With Your Angry Neighbor

Alfred Jones was a loud man. 

He couldn't help it! He got excited easily and he never held back when he showed his emotions. Being loud seemed to be built into Alfred's personality.

Recently, his loudness had gotten him into some trouble. It had caused him to receive a noise complaint from his new neighbor, Ivan Braginsky, via email. Alfred had, in fact, been trying to talk to his new neighbor but not like this. Alfred wanted to be friends not enemies.

Subject: You're Really Loud, Please Stop

From:《braginskyivan@gmail.com》

To:《alfiejonez@gmail.com》

Mr. Jones,

I had hoped you would quiet down after a day or two of me moving in. I thought the noise would be temporary but it's been a month and I've been proven incorrect. Please, quiet down. I have to get up early for my job and I haven't been sleeping well due to you. I will contact the landlord if you don't stop soon.

Much Thanks,

Ivan B.

Alfred had read the email at least twenty times. He'd been pensive as he tried to remember what he'd been doing that caused so much noise. The two men were next door neighbors and the walls were thin so.... 

Alfred knew that he was a loud person but something about this email made him smile. He really shouldn't find it endearing but he did. Alfred reread the email for a twenty first time and laughed aloud. He made up his mind to befriend Ivan because of the email. His response to the email would be flirty, he really wanted to see if Ivan would flirt back. The original email didn't call for a flirty response but Alfred was loud and single and incredibly bisexual.

Subject: re: You're Really Fucking Loud

From:《alfiejonez@gmail.com》

To:《braginskyivan@gmail.com》

Ivan,

Hi! I'm sorry to be sooooooo loud. I was watching marvel movies with my brother all weekend and then before that I was working out and the list of noise related things goes on and on. Would you like to join me next time I do a movie marathon? It wouldn't be any trouble and then we'd get to know each other better! You might actually start to like all the noise I make ;)

Yours Truly,

Alfred J.

-

Ivan stared at the email in shocked contempt. What kind of a response was that?! He wanted to shout. Ivan wasn't even sure where to begin formulating a response. Who flirted when they got an aggressive email? Alfred would surely be the death of him. 

Ivan felt his face heat up as he read it a second time. 

Ivan decided then and there that he would flirt back.

Subject: re: You're Really Fucking Loud

From:《braginskyivan@gmail.com》

To:《alfiejonez@gmail.com》

Alfred,

I won't report you to the landlord, yet. I'll give you a chance to quiet yourself, I may step in again but in a more...physical way.....

Ivan stopped and reread his last sentence. Okay, that definitely was more threatening than flirtatious. He tried again.

I'll give you another chance to quiet down even if I have to help you quiet down. I'm excellent at helping people. I don't think I'll grow to like your noise but I can be persuaded to a movie marathon with you, sweetheart.