Don't mess with the Grey.

Chapter 31

Meredith sat listlessly on the leather couch, her arms folded defensively, her body taut, her lips pressed into a thin line, and she stared. She waged a real battle of stares. She had to admit Dr. Wyatt was a pretty good starer, but so was she.

"You know, I get paid for that," Dr. Wyatt's amused voice broke the silence. "It's become a really comfortable job lately. I come here, sit back in this chair, relax in silence, and I get money for that. You, however, are wasting your time."

"I told you what was wrong," bit back Meredith. "Now, fix me."

"Why are you here?" asked Dr. Wyatt propping her head on her hand.

"So you can fix me."

"Why are you here?" she repeated the question insistently.

Meredith let out an impatient huff. "I told you the first day what I'm here for. A week later, countless sessions later, and there's still no progress."

"Oh, you mean that little speech about me convincing you that breaking up with Derek wasn't the biggest mistake of your life?" asked the older woman. "That's a load of crap."

Meredith's mouth went slightly agape, she would never use that language in front of a patient.

"It is not," she denied, her tone considerably feebler than before.

"It is," nodded Dr. Wyatt.

"It is not."

"It is."

"It is not!" Meredith gritted every word, her temper rising again. "He's everywhere, in the parking lot, in the elevator, in the OR, in the cafeteria... He's everywhere and he doesn't let me breathe! I want to forget about him and stop thinking about him thrusting his tongue into my mouth every time I see him!" she yelled out, breathing heavily.

"Now, that's a start," Dr. Wyatt gave her an enthusiastic smile. "But it's still a load of crap."

"Wha-" Meredith shook her head.

"If you think you came here because you want to move on from Derek, to treat it like just any other misfortune in your life, you're making a mistake, or you're tricking yourself," said Dr. Wyatt seriously.

"How so?" frowned Meredith.

"That is for you to find out, only you can realize it. You won't be able to move on if you don't."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," exclaimed Meredith impatiently getting to her feet. "People break up all the time, they move on, they meet new people!"

"Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't."

"And I'm the one who doesn't?" she snorted.

"I didn't say that," answered gently Dr. Wyatt. "I said it's for you to find out. And that's why I'm giving you homework today."

"I'm sorry, what? A homework?" Meredith arched her eyebrows.

"Yes, before our next meeting, I want you to think what you feel for Derek. All that you feel for Derek," Dr. Wyatt repeated seeing her patient's urge to protest. "Think about it, one emotion doesn't exclude another. Two contradicting emotions don't exclude one another. Just think about it. And don't run away from him, don't avoid him. Confront him, see what you feel when you're close to him."

"I know what I feel," sighed Meredith with a pained expression. "Can't you just tell me why you think I'm making a mistake or lying to myself?"

"No," replied the psychiatrist blatantly. "But I can give you hints. You told me you didn't want to make up with Derek. That you would end up hurting him eventually and you were "a better woman" than that."