Always Get What I Want.

Funeral

As the night drew to a close I could feel myself growing numb. The impact my fathers death was going to have on my family and I was just beginning to dawn on me. What was Tiffany going to do? I even worried about Jocelyn and Olivia, even now as much as I hated them I struggled to not care about them. They had lost a dear family member as well. "Joseph?" I whispered. I hesitated to break the silence we had as we lay together on his bed but my nerves couldn't rest until I talked with him.

"Hmm?" His half asleep state made his voice sound deep and gravely

"What's going to happen to my family? I know you don't really know them and don't really have any obligation to help them but they're going through a hard time too." I tried to keep myself from sounding too much like a frightened little girl. I had been playing that part too often.

"I don't know what I can do for them." He replied in a soft tone. Stroking my hair and rubbing the top of my ear. "I'll take care of the funeral, and make sure that they're all well taken care of. Anything they need I can provide." He consoled and tried his best to calm my fearful mind.

"Except my dad." I whispered bitterly. "You can't give them my dad." A stray tear ran rouge down my cheek. I hurried to wipe it away before it was noticed but Joseph's calloused hand beat me to it.

"I'm sorry." His rough voice filled with remorse. "I'm so sorry Jessica if there's was anything I thought I could have done, I would have done it."

"You don't need to apologize." I muttered into his chest, instantly feeling bad for my accusingly salty tone. "It's not you, I couldn't blame you."

"He won't get away with it. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he pays." His tone voiced all the anger and hatred I'd feel building, but lie simmering underneath my numbness.

"Good." Was all I whispered back.

***

The next morning Joseph went back to work as usual, pushing my fathers death to the back of his mind to make room for current problems. I on the other hand had a bit of a harder time letting go. My lack of appetite and interest irritated Joseph. I could tell by the way he looked at me and the tone he spoke in. I in return distanced myself from him not wanting him to be upset with me. He was my only lifeline. The only one I felt like I could trust, besides my little Tiffany but she was only 3 and didn't really understand stand anything except that she knew her daddy wasn't coming home.

The funeral preparations were handled by a stranger Joseph had hired the day after my fathers death. I was offered the job but couldn't even bring myself to think about buying flowers and the making pretty invitations, or basically participate at all.

It took 17 days to plan the entire funeral. 17 days when it only took a millisecond for him to be killed. That fact bothered me more than it should have. I should have been grateful but all I could be was bitter that there was a need for a funeral in the first place. We didn't even have the body. It was never given back by he who shall not be named.

My hands shakily smoothed over the wrinkles in my dress as I stood alone outside the chapel. I almost couldn't bear to face all the people sitting in neat rows to listen to people speak about my fathers life, a life that was tragically cut short by a murder, because of me. I knew that none of them knew that but the fact that it was, was eating me alive. My own family couldn't even face me after they found out all of the details. I raised my trembling hands from my dress, deciding it wasn't going to get any smoother and placed them on the shiny brass door handles. I took a deep breath to try and calm my buzzing nerves and fears.

When I opened the doors my face immediately flushed red. It seemed as though everyone was waiting for me because all the heads in the room whipped towards me. I checked my watch to make sure that I was on time. 12 o'clock on the dot. I gulped and made my way to the front trying to ignore the stated burning into the sides of my head. I sat on the right side of the bench deciding against sitting next to Olivia and Jocelyn as they both sent me the most animalistic glares.