Still Waters

Chapter 44

Kenney couldn't look me in the eye all the way to the hospital. He called the doctor and told him to meet us there. Then he called my parents and told them that my water broke. He talked to everyone but me. I cried all the way there, but not because of the pain. I cried because this was the type of situation that I was about to bring my baby into. Exactly the type of situation that I never wanted his first experience on earth to be. Highly stressful and hostile. What a horrible space to bring a child into.

My dumbass.

I should have told Kenney that Collin wanted us back sooner, but I didn't. I felt obligated to Collin, but Kenney was the one who I really wanted to be with. What a horrible setup that I had waiting for this poor, unsuspecting child. Kenney sat silently by in a chair until the last nurse left, explaining that it could still be a couple of hours and that the doctor was on his way. When she closed the door behind her, Kenney sat forward in his chair and scooted it closer to the bed.

"Natasha..."

"No Kenney, not right now." I raised my hand to shield us from another verbal assault.

"Natasha," Kenney gently clasped my hand in both of his and held on tightly. "I'm sorry." He said it so softly and hung his head.

"Kenney...you were right to go off on me. Now is just not the time."

"No, I wasn't right. And I apologize. I should have never spoken to you that way. I was raised to treat women so much better than that. My mom would have popped me in my mouth if she heard me talking to you like that. I'm sorry." He looked down again, ashamed.

I was ashamed, too. For being so ridiculous that I could single handedly bring him so far out of his character. I mean, all the way out of everything that I, personally, knew him to be. Why did I keep involving Kenney in this mess? This was my mess. He was way too good of a person for this dumb shit and I knew it, even if he didn't.

Kenney put a hand gently onto my stomach. "I'm sorry Charlie Brown." He kissed my belly. "I'm so sorry." He stroked my supersized tummy soothingly. "I never should have yelled at mommy like that. I didn't mean to scare you." I guess he thought that he had startled me into labor.

I shook my head no. "Kenney, you didn't. I was hurting before then."

His hand remained where it was, and his eyes stayed on what would soon be my son. "Mommy doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that," he continued, like he was giving his last words of wisdom before he dipped. "We don't talk to women like that, and we don't treat them badly. No matter what you see or hear when you get out here, you're better, and stronger, and more resilient than anything that's around you." He stroked my belly like he could really see the baby that he had grown to love so much watching his example and taking in every word that he said.

"I should not have scared you like that Charlie Brown," Kenney continued and a sudden panic overcame me, like Kenney was about to say his goodbyes and leave me to do this all on my own. "You shouldn't have to come into this world afraid of what's out here waiting for you. There's nothing but love out here waiting for you, son. Nothing but love and peace."

He continued to stroke my belly like he was trying to evoke total peace into the situation, and it kind of worked.