Still Waters

Chapter 45

I thought Kenney was going to leave me high and dry, but he didn't. He was the best coach a girl could ever ask for. All calm and cool while Collin would have been bouncing around talking about "That's my boy! Kickin' ass and taking names!" every time I had a contraction. Kenney was just...Kenney. My Kenney. Same dude he'd always been. Same dude I knew he always would be. He wasn't going to put up with my crap anymore, and I knew that. He'd apologize all day long for the way he had talked to me, but he wasn't sorry for what he said. Me and baby had to go. We all knew it, now just wasn't the time or place to figure it out.

It was a silent understanding between us that was never mentioned again, just like the silent understanding that I could always stay if I wanted to, without the drama. That was actually what I knew Kenney was hoping for, behind that expressionless gaze, but I knew that wouldn't be what was best for anyone.

I knew it for sure when I saw the way that Kenney reacted to the baby's first breath. He actually shed a tear. He just stared at her for the longest time, and then he left the room. He didn't come back in again until after they had taken the baby back out.

"So...all this time Charlie Brown was a girl." I looked over at him as he sat down in a chair by the bed and gazed at me silently. "Kenney, you ok?"

He shook his head no and another tear dropped.

"What's wrong?" I took his hand in mine. There was a hell of a lot wrong in that moment, and we both knew it. But I wasn't sure what could have possibly made stone faced Kenney shed a tear twice in one day.

"She's really beautiful," he said finally and looked straight into my eyes. "Looks just like you."

"Yeah?" I hadn't really gotten a chance to get a good look at her before they took her away to clean her off.

"Yeah." He nodded and another tear dropped. What the cuff was going through his mind? It was impossible to read his face.

He ran a gentle hand over my hair and kissed my forehead.

"I love you so much Natasha. I always will."

Oh shit. Was he saying good-bye now?

I just looked at him, now blinking back my own tears. When they brought the baby back in and handed her to me, Kenney stood up without looking at her.

"Kenney, don't you want to hold your little homie?"

He shook his head no and his face crumbled. He looked devastated and I finally realized that he didn't want to look at her because he didn't want to love her any more than he already did. It must have taken everything Kenney had to accept the fact that she was mine, not his, and if I wanted to take her back to that fool Collin that was my right and there was nothing he could do about it.

Around that time, my parents burst into the room, causing all kinds of commotion. I looked from Kenney to them, and then back to Kenney. Then I saw a slight movement in the doorway and gasped, "Oh my God," much like when I was praying for help. "Collin."

Kenney, noting the tone of my voice, stepped forward just as Collin moved toward me. Collin kind of paused, and then looked at my dad, who still had no idea what kind of hell the man that he had just brought into the room had put me through. My mom looked up, too, and then looked over at Kenney, noting that he appeared to be blocking Collin's way over to us.