Can't Blame a Girl for Trying

Chapter 26

Maya

          As we drove up to my house, my heart stopped. Josh was pacing silently in front of the door, not even looking up as we approached. I slowly got out of the car, no longer feeling the happiness I felt ten minutes ago. Now, I only felt a pit in my stomach. I knew I was either going to lose a friend that day or make an enemy. My hands tightened on my clutch and everyone stayed in the vehicle, Lucas, I knew, was watching silently. Lucas was probably preparing to get out of the car and take me away, that is if I knew him as well as I believed.

         I stood for several seconds in front of Josh, watching him pace before he seemed to realize I was there. He took my by the arms roughly; when I gasped in pain, he quickly released me and muttered a soft, "Sorry." before continuing to pace. I stood frozen, hardly daring to breath. For some reason, I was incredibly terrified, whether or not I knew deep down that he could never hurt me.

      Josh ran up to me again, softly grabbing my arms and bringing my face inches away from his own. He whispered, "I love you, Maya.". I stared into his eyes before bowing my head and taking a step away from him.  "Please don't make this mistake, Maya." Josh almost growled, "He left you once, who is to say he would not leave you again?" I flinched at his words, causing Josh to immediately soften his voice, "I could never leave you, I promise you that. Please- please just give me a chance to make you happy." I met Josh's eyes and saw both love and warmth. It was nice to see but I believed it to be cruel if I was to make him believe that I have had any form of feelings for him since I was 14 or that I was capable of them.

       "Josh, I am so sorry. I love you like a brother, not a lover." I whispered, staring down at my heels that seemed a bit more dull now. "It is not capable for me to love you otherwise and I believe I would be very unhealthy for you." I continued with my honesty, this was not something I was going to lie about. "I am too much work right now and you deserve someone who could love you the way you want to be loved. If I am being honest, I am sure I will hate the girl who you end up with, at first anyways. This is because, I will believe her to not be good enough for you. I want the best for you but I know I am not what's best for you." I took another step way from him, raising my eyes to Josh's surprised ones. I smiled at him before darting into my house, taking my heels off as I went up the stairs.

         I quickly changed into sweat pants and a tank top before curling up in the bay window, looking out at Josh's retreating figure and Lucas's approaching one. It hurt to lose a friend who was there for me when I needed someone the most, but Lucas made everything a bit better.

        Throughout the night, we ate ice cream, watched movies, and talked about our feelings for one another. By the time we went to bed, we had both determined that we both cared immensely for one another and wished to always be with each other. What that means exactly, I do not know for sure.