Feel Alive(Adopted By Mikey Way)

23~Shallan & Mikey

Today makes three days until Christmas. The Christmas party is starting soon. Mikey and I are observing the living room. Lights are strung up around the room, the tree is lit, a card table has been set up on the left side and is holding an assortment of snacks and drinks.

"Looks good." Mikey says, turning to me, "What do you think?"

"I think we did good."

"Me too." he pulls his phone out of his pocket and holds it out to me.

"Why?" I ask as I take it.

"Just in case you start having an anxiety attack and you can't find me or Gee. I know that talking to someone helps you."

"Ok." I say and tuck the phone into my pocket. He smiles and gives me a hug. "You," I look up at him, "Are the kindest person I've ever met." 

"Thank you."

"Mikey!" Donna calls from the kitchen.

"The witch summons me." he whispers before releasing me and walking into the kitchen. I smile as I watch him go.

"I'm reconsidering what I just said." I yell after him. He laughs.

An hour later and more than thirty people are filling the living room and kitchen. I've lost Mikey and Gee. I've been staying as far from everyone. More people walk into the living room. I get accidentally pushed back. I trip over the end of the coffee table and fall over. The person who accidentally knocked me over, a woman in her late thirties, early forties, looks at me with wide eyes.

"Oh my. I'm so sorry. Are you alright dear?" I nod. She sticks her hand out for me to take. My anxiety starts to kick in. I grab her hand and she pulls me to my feet.

"My name is Margaret. I'm Donna's friend." I freeze up.

"S-Shallan." I whisper.

"I'm sorry you need to speak up, my hearing is not what it used to be." tears well up in my eyes. No, no, no, no. Not now.

"I-I-I'm sorry." I whisper and rush off, leaving a very confused Margaret in my wake. I squeeze between people and somehow end up in the corner of the living room, right beside the tree. I scoot back so that I'm mostly hidden by the tree. Tears are flowing steadily down my cheeks and causing my vision to get blurry. I pull Mikey's phone from my pocket. I hit a contact and wait while it rings. I have no idea who I just called, but I'm like 80% sure it was Patrick.

"Hello?"

"Patrick?" I practically sob.

"Shallan? Shallan what's wrong?" it's Ray.

"I-I want P-Patrick." I sob and then end the call. I wipe my eyes and pick Patrick's number. He answers on the second ring.

"Patrick?" I cry.

"Shallan? Are you okay?"

"I-I'm just. I need-I-" I can't even form coherent sentences I'm crying so hard.

"Shallan are you hurt? I don't-I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

"An-anxiety."

"Oh. Oh. Take a deep breath. Uh...I don't know what to do. I can't-Mom! Mom help! Shallan is having an anxiety attack." my breathing quickens.

"Take deep breaths Shallan. Please don't pass out." Patrick sounds panicky. I try to take deep breaths. My vision starts to get fuzzy.

"Shallan listen to me. It's okay. You're safe. You're gonna be alright. I promise. Just try to breathe." I focus on my breathing. I try to take some deep breaths. Patrick starts singing to me. I  recognize the words, but I can't put my finger on where I heard them. I don't bother trying to figure it out. Instead I focus on not passing out. When I get my breathing under control I start really paying   attention to what Patrick is singing. Tears still cascade down my cheeks and my breathing is still a mess , because I'm suppressing sobs.