"Is this your routine now? Taking dumps and calling me?"
"I'll have you know that I am not even at the bar, thank you very much. It's a seven o'clock on a Tuesday. I'm not completely an alcoholic."
"Right, so when you first called me on Wednesday- that was a totally acceptable day to be drunk."
"Wednesday is basically Thursday, which is basically Friday, so it's totally acceptable I'll have you know."
"And Tuesday isn't basically Wednesday?"
"Don't be ridiculous, what do you think this is? Anarchy?"
"I bet your mom is so proud."
"It's aunt and yes, yes she is, actually. She even put an extra cookie in my lunch today, so, suck it."
"Suck it? Are you a seventh grader? Is this some weird new To Catch a Predator? Because little boys really aren't my thing."
"Mina, I'd like you to take a seat over there."
"How do you know my name?"
"You do remember that time I was soliciting conversation from a phone number on a bathroom stall that specified that you, Mina, girl in question, was the provider of an enjoyable experience?"
"Conversation."
"I plead the fifth. And also, might've been slightly intoxicated. But still. Fifth all up in this bitch."
"Who are you, anyway? If you know my name, I should know yours. It's only fair."
"Whoever you want me to be."
"Did you just seriously just quote the cheesiest line in The O.C.?"
"If you're trying to imply that I spent the last two months marathoning all four seasons of that show I'll have you know that you are wrong. I did not. I'm a man. A manly man. We covered this with the two-in-one shampoo."
"Wow, Marissa's death really hit you hard, didn't it?"
"Spoilers, Mina! Spoilers! ... And it wasn't her time to go, okay? She still had so much left to live for."
"I was more of a One Tree Hill girl myself."
"We're clearly going to have to change that. It seems you stand corrected on what a good time actually is. You really shouldn't have been providing any services with that sort of entertainment. I'm going to show you a brand new world, Mina. Shining, shimmering, splendid."
"You're quoting Disney now, Aladdin?"
"Not Aladdin, it's Parker, by the way. But you know, even if I'm not the master thief, I'm pretty sure I can still steal your heart."
"You really need to stop watching teen soap-operas. Goodnight Parker."
"You can't tell me what to do. I'm an adult."
"..."
"Goodnight, Mina."
***
if it came out over ten years ago i do not have to warn you about spoilers.
ded to brittany because she is fat cat's resident shitter
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Once Upon a Bathroom Stall
Teen Fiction❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be so...
