"Your diary's going to have an interesting day today."
"What do you mean? Are you implying that I care if you call me first? That I have some emotional attachment? Psht, listen, I'm a bachelor. I can't be tied down. You're lucky I even picked up the phone."
"I'm hanging up."
"I'm sorry! Please! No! Don't! I swear I almost pissed myself when I saw your name show up! Mina!"
"I don't know if I've made this clear in the past, but I would like for bowel movements to be as far away as possible from these conversations. Let's stick to that. That was a good rule."
"You say that, but it's part of that particular charm of mine that we're still talking today. You're kind of kinky, aren't you?"
"Goodbye."
"Wait! I actually have something to tell you that's pretty important!"
"... I'm listening."
"Another fun development, Baxter is actually Baxette."
"I want to interrupt you to say that you should never be given the opportunity to name anything ever again. Baxette? That's a terrible name. Oh my God. That's gotta be animal abuse. I feel so bad for that dog."
"What? I thought Baxette was adorable."
"You also thought Hip-Hop Abs was a good investment."
"I trusted you! With sensitive information! And you're just throwing it back in my face! Well, guess what? I'm gonna get really hot one day, and you're gonna be so sorry. You'll never get the opportunity to lick whipped cream off these hip-hop abs. Suck it."
"Oh no, how ever will I go on?"
"You use sarcasm to hide your crushing disappointment, I know.
"More importantly, how are you just finding out the gender of your dog? Isn't it pretty obvious? Or how it peed? I feel like you should know this type of thing."
"Mina, I don't stare at my little baby's genitals. I'm not a pervert."
"That's debatable."
"My brother randomly brought him home from I have no idea where a couple of months ago, and no one ever bothered to mention it. What was I supposed to do? Not let this adorable creature into my heart?
"How'd you find out, then?"
"Baxter got his period and bled all over my aunt's new white rug. She was not pleased. Baxter now has to wear a diaper and I feel like all the other dogs are judging him. I'm taking him for a walk now and there was one German Shepard that was particularly condescending."
"Aw, are you getting bullied by little dogs, Parker?"
"Have you ever been judged by a dog? It's cruel. It's like they know all your deepest, darkest insecurities, and they just attack mercilessly. And Baxter had to go through all that. I don't think she'll be the same ever again."
"I think they got more to you than Baxter."
"I've been super paranoid lately. Also, I should have never told you where I work. I keep thinking you're gonna come in and it's freaking me out."
"How do you know I haven't?"
"Oh God, have you? This isn't fair! I'm at a disadvantage! Tell me! Don't do this to me, I'm too weak. My heart is too weak for this. Should I go over how hard my week has already been? The dogs? And now this? Do you think my poor coping mechanisms can handle this? Because they can't."
"I guess you'll never know."
"Mina! What? Tell me! No! ... Are you still there? Damnnit, you're gonna be the death of me, I swear."
***
i keep posting these when i have no time but i miss dedicating chapters that will be a thing again
p.s. i don't mind if you point out spelling/grammar mistakes, like i said, i usually post these in a rush and also i'm a mess
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Once Upon a Bathroom Stall
Teen Fiction❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be so...
