"Minaaa."
"So it's definitely a Thursday and you're definitely drunk. What was that about you not being an alcoholic again?"
"Mina, listen, babe, it's pre-Friday"
"You know who celebrates pre-Fridays? Alcoholics."
"You can't be mean to me, you know. I'm fragile. I'm in a very vulnerable state right now. Be nice. Tell me I'm pretty."
"Ah, this about the recent breakup, I'm assuming?"
"Oh, it wasn't just a break up. I got dumped. Hard. Like if there was a world record for most dumped-dumpee, I would be at the very tip-top of that steaming pile of shit. I would be king of shit-dumped mountain. And it get's even worse."
"Well now I'm interested."
"She dumped me- wait for it- are you ready for this? For my brother. My damn brother."
"Ouch."
"You know, judging by how many times I've heard that, there must be some preconceived notion that it's somehow comforting in any way. Let me tell you a secret: it's not. It's really not."
"Uh, you're pretty?"
"Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I don't even know what everyone sees in my brother, anyways. He's kind of a dick."
"Is he hot?"
"If you're into that whole I smoke cigarettes and I wear leather jackets and I look like I have a permanent stick up my ass type of thing. Which I mean, so overrated, if you ask me. Whatever. Who needs them? I'm pretty."
"So you're saying that I'm definitely talking to the wrong brother then."
"That's so mean. I'm pouring my heart out here."
"Okay, then sell yourself to me."
"Hmm... okay, so, I wear a lot of plaid."
"So you're a lesbian."
"Lumberjacks were plaid!"
"A lesbian lumberjack."
"That's hot. I would totally bang me if I was a lesbian lumberjack. Take that, Jackson."
"So just channel your inner lesbian lumberjack, and you'll be fine. Confidence is sexy, y'know."
"Parker and sexy haven't really been synonymos in the past. Usually it's been like Parker and degenerative social skills, or Parker and self-destructive coping mechanisms, or maybe Parker and poorly-timed puns."
"You're losing the sexiness."
"Are you trying to say poorly-timed puns aren't sexy?"
"I might be convinced."
"I can be a pretty convincing guy."
"Go to sleep, Parker. And drink some water. And then some more water."
"Ah, fine. Okay. And uh, Mina?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks."
***
if you're ever worried like omg what if she's late for an update? well have no fear, i have started writing things at work after all of my co workers have told me to stop bother them because they're doing "work" that they get "paid to do" because this is their "job".
so i write these instead. everyone wins~
also deds to untidy- because she's the actual sweetest.
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Once Upon a Bathroom Stall
Teen Fiction❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be so...
