Once Upon a Bathroom Stall

nineteen // an earthy feeling

"So I had a dream about you last night."

"Parker- seriously, have we not gone through this? I don't give you permission to dream about me. Stop it. I will sue. For copyright or something, I don't know. But I will legally fuck you for every penny you have."

"Oh so you're gonna fuck me and then I'm gonna give you money? And you weren't a hooker? Okay, Sapphire."

"So do you just like, not like living? Is that it?"

"If it makes you feel better, it wasn't a sexy dream or anything. We were just at a park. Hanging out. Very G rated stuff."

"How do you even know it was me? You don't even know what I look like."

"Well, I just knew it was you. You were like a mysterious, hot blur. Named Mina. I think I said your name. I don't know, don't question me about my dreams. I also had a dream the other day that Mr. Clean was trying to violate me with his magic clean eraser. I clearly cannot be judged by the content of my dreams."  

"How do you know that I'm hot?"

"Girls with shitty boyfriends are always hot. That's like, the laws of science. I'm pretty sure physics has something to do with it."

"He's not shitty."

"And Mr. Clean isn't a pervert. But anyways, it was actually a very nice dream. You liked Baxter-"

"Who's Baxter?"

"My dog-"

"You named your dog Baxter?"

"Here I am, trying to tell you about this wonderful dream I had, that includes you, and all I'm getting is a lot of unwarranted judgement. How am I supposed to tell you nice stories, when all I get in return is suffering? Don't answer that, you're gonna say something soul-crushing, I know it."

"I'm actually more of a cat person."

"That was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. Stop."

"I don't mind dogs, I just like cats better."

"It's okay, I- it might take some time, a couple of therapy sessions, but, babe, I think we can work through this. I really believe in us. We can do this."

"I'm sure your dog Baxter is marvelous."

"He is a pug and he is the light of my life."

"I thought that was me?"

"Mina, oh my God, are you flirting with me? Are you coming on to me? You're a taken woman! You devilish minx!"

"I'm going to push you down so many stairs one day."

"I hope your boyfriend doesn't know you talk dirty like this to strange men."

"You are the strangest man I know, Parker."

"If you keep showering me with compliments, I don't know if I can stay civil."

"You're seriously the-"

"What was that?"

"... What was what?"

"That- in the background. Oh my God, Mina! Are you watching The O.C.? You are! You totally are! California here we come! You're doing it! All because of me!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"California! California! Here we come!"

"Stop singing or I'm hanging up. And I won't tell you what episode I'm on."

"Keep me on the phone, I want a scene-by-scene narration of what's happening."

"Didn't you admit to binge-watching this, like, a couple of months ago? You seriously want to do it all over again?"

"Well now I'm gonna watch it with you."

"You know those friends you were talking about before? You must be lying about those. Seriously."

"That doesn't sound like narration to me."

"You're an idiot."

"Oh, and one more thing."

"Hmmm?"

"Mina WhateverYourLastNameIs, upon finding out that you are not only definititely a dog person, but also watching The O.C., I can't stay silent any longer. Will you marry me?"

"Oh, shut up." 

"I'll take that as a resounding yes. Baxter's gonna be so happy about this." 

***

if you don't know what the o.c. is please google it and change your life.