"Hello?"
"Ay-yo lass, jolly good day is it?"
"That is literally the worst accent I have ever heard in my entire life. What was that? Were you trying to go for Jar-Jar Binks?"
"I have never been so insulted in my entire life. Oh my god. How dare you?"
"Good. My duty here is done. I can die- shit, Marie, fuck off, no, you can't talk to him."
"No, let me talk to her. I bet she's nicer than you."
"Trust me, she's not- Marie, go away, just give me a second and I'll hang up."
"Kick me while I'm down, why don't you? Just rub salt in the wounds. Don't ask how I am or anything, don't worry, I'll be okay. You can hang up on Parker."
"I should've known from the first conversation that you have a flair for the dramatics."
"I know nothing of what you speak of. Also, why's your friend so interested in talking to me? Other than, you know, aforementioned excellent conversation skills."
"She's convinced you're either a twelve-year old kid or a forty-year old man. And that either way, you're trying to violate me."
"I'd say I'd fall right in the middle of that. You know, like Britney Spears said, not a girl, not yet a woman. Just need some time. A moment that is mine."
"Okay, see, I was right. She was betting on twelve-year old who snuck into the bar when alcoholic parent wasn't looking, but that's clearly way passed that generation. You're definitely a forty-year old man."
"Subtract eighteen years from that, and you'll be a little closer."
"Ah, a year older than me. Twenty-two and... still trying to violate me?"
"Have I ever crossed a boundary with you, Mina?"
"You mean when you literally had entire conversations with me while taking a shit, or extensively talking to me about your boners?"
"The answer to that was supposed to be no Parker, you're wonderful, I'm so happy every time you call."
"No Parker, you're wonderful, I'm so happy every time you call."
"Well now that just makes me feel like a cheap whore."
"Two for O today, I'm just on a roll."
"You can reassure your friend that I'm not trying to kill you."
"She doesn't look very reassured, but she looks like she's getting annoyed. Bye Binks-y boy, talk to you soon."
"Talk to you soon, Mina."
***
sometimes i'm like maybe you shouldn't include so many damn references in all of your stories and then i'm like
CAN'T TOUCH THIS danununanana
also deds to calculators because she's quite cool
YOU ARE READING
Once Upon a Bathroom Stall
Teen Fiction❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be so...
