Once Upon a Bathroom Stall

nine // the sky was gold, it was rose

"So tell me more about this boyfriend."

"Suddenly very interested in my love life, eh?"

"I'm interested in all facets of your life. Including the boyfriend. This is vital information, you know."

"How so?"

"What if he finds out that you're having these amazing conversations with me and get's jealous and controlling and is like don't talk to that weird Parker kid on the phone anymore. What am I going to do then? Talk to my friends? They suck."

"And I don't suck?"

"I pegged you more for a swallower."

"Parker! I can't believe you!" 

"So about this boyfriend we were talking about? What's he like?"

"Well it depends on who you ask, really."

"Let me guess, he's different when he's with you."

"He is, though. I mean, sometimes he can be a little, uh, dick-ish. He means well most of the time, though. But I've definitely heard that people think he's, well, a bag of dicks. Marie especially. She especially thinks he's the biggest bag of the ugliest dicks. Quote, unquote."

"Ahh, but they don't know him like you do?"

"Shut up, it sounds dumb when you say it like that."

"Hey now, I'm a completely unbiased third party here. Totally objective. No feelings either which way."

"You definitely sound like the most unbiased person I know."

"So why does everyone think he's a bag of dicks? I need both sides of the story, you know, to continue to be unbiased."

"Well, honestly? Eh, I think the final straw for Marie was when me and him got into an argument once and he kicked me out of the car so I had to walk home."

"Totally unbiased."

"And it was a two hour walk."

"Completely objective."

"And it was raining. I ended up getting the flu."

"I have no idea what anyone's talking about, he sounds like the most charming fellow ever."

"He did get me flowers afterward since he felt bad."

"Well, of course, then everything's totally okay. What colour do you give for being an enormous bag of dicks?"

"Sorry, what was that? I can't hear you, I'm too busy drowning in your sarcasm."

"Come on, that's like, evil. I hate to break this to you, but I think your boyfriend might be in cooperation with Hydra."

"He's not a nazi, Parker. And plus, I think he's Belgian."

"This cannot be. I'm Belgian and we are the nicest people ever. We let Germany in no problem, we were just like here's our land and have some chocolate, since we are so nice. Your boyfriend definitely does not sound like the Belgian side of this exchange."

"Well I'm Turkish, so what does that mean? I'd conquer you?"

"Mina, it would be an honour to be conquered by you any day." 

***

sometimes i think you guys are here just to look at dylan o'brien's face and tbh i don't blame you. 

deds to gabijaz because parmina is the cutest ship name ever because it also makes me think of parmesan cheese.