Once Upon a Bathroom Stall

four // and i speak to you like

"Calling again? Have you ever thought of getting a hobby or something? Sports? Video games? Stamp collecting?"

"You say that like I don't have a wide assortment of hobbies. I'll have you know my Pokemon card collection is the bomb."

"The bomb?"

"The bomb diggity."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that for your dignity's sake. And really? You say that, but seem to have a lot of free time to talk to me."

"You should consider that a compliment. I have a lot of things going on, you know. Stuff. Important business affairs."

"Ah, right. Like playing with cards."

"They're not just cards, Mina. They're my best friends. In a world we must defend."

"Is your courage going to pull you through?

"Seriously if you're going to keep turning me on like this I'm going to think you're actually a phone sex line."

"Am I finally going to start getting paid for these conversations? Because compensation sounds really nice right about now."

"You're getting paid in quality time with me, obviously."

"I'd like a refund, please. Charge it to my credit card."

"You're never going to be a Pokemon master with that kind of attitude."

"But Parker, it's my destiny."

"You're trying to give me a boner now. Stop. I need to concentrate."

"Are you actually taking a shit again? C'mon, Parker, I thought we moved passed that."

"I'm actually in my room, avoiding a ten-page essay and not currently taking a crap. But if you're into that, I can make arrangements in the bathroom."

"If you do that, I'll block you."

"Mina! Stop coming onto me! You're taking advantage of me, especially in my fragile state."

"Procrastinating?"

"Actually, my girlfriend dumped me. Which is why I was ridiculously intoxicated on a Wednesday night. But you know, I'll do some pretty crazy things to get out of writing my essay."

"Like talk to strangers?"

"We're not strangers. You've given me a boner at least twice. I think that makes us friends."

"Okay, Parker, whatever you say. Go write your essay."

"This is a terrible idea, friend."

"Goodnight Parker."

"Why are you so responsible? I hate it. Enable me."

"..."

"Fine, fine, goodnight Mina."

***

i was going to explain to you why this chapter was a little late, but i think by the content it's pretty obvious. also fraternizing will be updated before wednesday probably.

also subtle shoutout to sex line in there ahaha

also deds to nonfictionsim because you can't escape from my hugs now