"Mina, tell me about things. Any of the things. All of the things, preferably. In a very loud voice. Please. And thank you."
"I know everything I say is riveting, but what's up?"
"My brother's dick, apparently, from what I can hear of my ex-girlfriend in the next room."
"Yikes, they're that loud?"
"Oh, no, they're definitely not. Loud. At. All. This. Is Totally. Fine!"
"Are you kicking the wall?"
"I have been for the past five minutes, but I think they're just getting louder. This is weird, right? As a normal person in the outside world, you do think this is weird? I'm not being irrational?"
"Somewhere on the spectrum of that, yeah. Although it would be even weirder if they asked you to join, so count your blessings."
"I don't even think I remember how to do it if they asked. Mina, how do you do the sex? It's been so long. I think my virginity's grown back."
"Well, for starters, being alone in your room and listening to other people bone is not the way."
"Wow, you're so wise. You should write a book."
"You'll buy it?"
"Of course, every copy."
"Look at who's the sweet one now."
"To spare everyone else from reading it, of course."
"Ah, I was waiting for that. Anyways, have you thought about, and call me crazy, just leaving your room?"
"... That probably would've been the smart thing to do."
"It's okay, I know thinking isn't your strong suit."
"Aren't we being nice to Parker? Parker who is being subjected to this terrible torture? What happened to that?"
"Actually though, are you okay? It's still kind of fresh, isn't it? It must be kind of rough. It's good that you're sounding sober, at least."
"Oh no, the heavy drinking and crying is phase one. That phase is over."
"And it seems like it was just last week you were drunkenly crying to me on the phone. Oh wait, it was."
"I wasn't crying. Although talking to you and also the fact that they suck, so very so, has helped me get to phase two now."
"Phase two?"
"Convincing myself that I'm too cute to do double 25-to-life."
"Well, I mean, it's all about progress, right? You shouldn't do that, though. Kill them."
"Because you'd miss me so?"
"I'm still waiting for monetary compensation for my company, obviously. And you can't pay me from jail."
"That's okay, I'll miss enough for the both of us."
***
rewatching friends is what gives me purpose in my life. plz give me a chandler thank u. also how are we at 37k.
also deds to TinHoverCarInIce for being lovely~
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Once Upon a Bathroom Stall
Teen Fiction❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be so...
