Drowning In River (BoyXBoy)

5: His Sister, My Secret

"So tell me more about you, Carter." He says. We've set ourselves on the bed with My Chemical Romance blaring while we eat TV hamburger patties and mashed potatoes. I shrug my shoulders.

"Not much to say. As I said, I'm invisible." I say, picking at my food. He sighs as he leans against the mahogany headboard.

"Even invisible people have lives and a personality, Carter." I shrug and he groans. "Hobbies? Friends? Favorite color? Music or movies? Random shit. Give me something."

I take a bite of the hamburger patty and chew slowly as I think. "Well I play guitar. I'm not very good, but I play." He nods and runs his fingers through his hair. There is something so attractive in the gesture.

"Okay, cool. I play too. Anything else?" I continue to think.

"Well, my favorite color is, like, electric blue." I smile to myself, thinking about his eyes. "I like music and movies. I like books too." He smirks and tosses his tray into the trash can beside his bed.

"Okay. Favorite artist?"

"I don't know. I like anything rock, but I guess my favorite band is Three Days Grace."

"I like them. Favorite movie?"

"Easy, The Breakfast Club." He bites his lip and forces a smile.

"That's my shit. Favorite book?"

"Anything Stephen King." He shakes his head and chuckles.

"Your very complex. So rock music, 80s movies, and horror stories? Interesting." I nod my head, leaning over him to throw my tray away. I stumble, and I wind up laying on top of him. I blush crimson, but he just chuckles. I move to get up, but he stops me, adjusting me to where I'm laying on his stomach. I look up at him with question in my eyes. My heart is pounding again. He smirks and shrugs his shoulder. "Girls do it all the time, it's only weird if you make it weird." I nod my head, chewing on my bottom lip but staying put anyway.

"I only have one friend. Her name is Taylor and-" he cuts me off.

"That's the bulimic vegan right?" I nod my head. Everyone knows her and her faults. She doesn't give much of a damn. I wish I could say the same.

"Yeah. She and I have been best friends for years. I worry about her." I whisper solemnly. He nods, brushing his fingers through my brown mop in a consoling manner. It, or course, makes my stomach explode with butterflies.

"Of course. That's understandable. I would worry too." I nod my head and close my eyes. "My sister died from bulimia. It was horrible, to watch someone you care about waste their life away because of labels and stereotypes. It's horrible. After she died, her name was Blair, my parents became really strict. I dealt with it for a while, but I couldn't take it anymore so I moved here. I couldn't live in that house, always being reminded of her along with being smothered by my parents. It happened a good three or four years ago. I still see her in my dreams, tiny and fragile. She'd be twenty-one now. She'd died when she was seventeen and I was like fourteen or fifteen. It's agonizing. Don't let your friend get to that point."

I look up at him, his eyes focused on the ceiling, his heart audible beneath my head. "I'm so sorry." I whisper before bringing him into a hug, he closes his eyes and lays his head on mine.

"I never told anyone, I never talked about it. So that should let you know you can tell me anything, Carter. I'm trusting you. You can trust me." I nod my head, and grab his hand, interlocking our fingers and giving him a squeeze. He sighs, and squeezes my hand back. We just stay like that, unmoving. We don't speak, we just simply let the music fill the silence between us.

Part of me now wonders if his sister is the reason he is the way he is. If it's because of his sister's death that he is so guarded and introverted. I've always figured that it was about reputation and a label, but now I'm beginning to see that there is more to him than blue eyes and a leather jacket. He has a story. I don't. I'm just gay. I've always been gay. He wants me to trust him the way he just trusted me. So maybe I can tell him. Maybe I can tell him out loud.

"River, I'm..." He looks down at me, his piercing eyes screaming with wonder. I sigh and shake my head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through that." He offers me a small smile and pets my hair before adjusting us more comfortably.

He wants me to trust him, but right now I can't. I'm not ready just yet. I feel like a hypocrite, but I can't trust him yet. Even though he already knows, I can't say it out loud. I don't trust him.

Hopefully one day, I will.

________~|~
Awe.. Poor River
And Poor scared little Carter.
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