Drowning In River (BoyXBoy)

21: Runaway

Honestly, I wish I could rewind it all. You never realize how comfortable you are until it's all ripped away from you. It's been a week since the funeral and I miss her so much. My life just isn't my life anymore. I haven't spoke to him either. I haven't even seen him at school. The worst part is that I'm sitting here blaming myself day after day. My brothers check on me every day, and I just stare into space as if that will bring them back, as if that will fix everything that is broken. But it won't. We all know that.

"Carter, go find him. Talk to him. Taylor may be gone, but River doesn't have to be." Today Nate is staying with me. He picked me up from school, and since it is Friday, he took me to get ice cream like we used to do before he was shipped. I look at him and bust into tears. Something I haven't done since she died. His eyes widen in alert. He goes to hug me, but I jerk away.

"I miss them Nate. I miss her. I miss him. Everything is a mess. But it all started when he showed up. It all fell apart once he broke down my walls. I don't know if I want to go back to that. I don't know if I want complicated. I don't know if I can handle it."

"Carter, I'm going to tell you what my drill Sargent told me the day I wanted to give up. Stop being such a pussy, shit is hard, but the hard shit is worth it."

"Well that's nice." I mutter, staring out the window. It's strange, you know, how the outside tends to be so beautiful. The sky, the trees, I'm not much for nature but I know when something is beautiful. I also know when something is utterly hideous, like my current circumstances.

"Carter, you care about River, right?" Nate voice is calm and careful, trying to approach this conversation as cautiously as possible. I don't know rather to be appreciative or irritated, but either I way I just nod my head. "I have only loved one person, one girl, someone I definitely should not have loved, but I did. Because I was so scared of loving her, I left, and when I come back... My chance was gone. I can't take back those two years I left her alone. Well, she wasn't alone, but she didn't have the kind of love she needed. I wasn't here to give it her. Now I have to live with the fact I can never get her back, get that happiness back, all because I was too afraid and ran away. Don't run away Carter. If you have the chance, take it. If you don't, you may just spend the rest of your life regretting it."

His expression was distant and pained when I finally looked over at him. His eyes swam with tears of desperation, and his chest rose and fell with every deep, slow breath. I wanted so badly to ask him who, but I could tell by the tension in his posture that it was I best didn't. "I'm sorry Nate."

He shook his head, rubbing his hands down his face, followed by him flexing his fingers and clicking his tongue. "Run with love, Carter, not away from it."

We didn't speak anymore as he drove me home. We were both to lost in our thoughts to say anything. When we pulled up to my house, I leaned over and gave my brother a firm hug, which he returned. "I love you, thank you." I told him as I slid from the passenger seat. He nodded his head and offered a small smile.

"Ditto, little brother, ditto." Then just like that, he was gone; flying down the street like he couldn't escape fast enough. I pulled my phone from my pocket, sliding my fingers across the lock screen and pulling up River's contact. I just stared at my phone as I walked into the house. My mother lied asleep on the couch, her dirty blonde hair lying at stark contrast against the red velvet couch. I looked around to insure my father was no where in sight before making my up the stairs to my room.

Closing and locking the door, I leaned my back against it as I stared down at my phone. I clawed my hands through my curls and considered everything that could go wrong, but just as I was about to decide against calling him my eyes connected with an old picture of me and Taylor sitting on the train tracks, her hand clasping mine and a ginormous cheesy grin on her small face. We were twelve. We didn't know pain. It's strange how time changes things.

If she were here right now, she'd be screaming at me for not calling him sooner. Hell, Taylor was crazy enough to threaten my life if I didn't. Nate was right, I needed to stop running away every time things get hard. The ending could be beautiful or tragic, but I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it if I don't at least try.

So, I tap the green icon to call him, placing the phone to my ear. It rang once, twice, three times before it ceased, and the line was replaced with silence. I could hear him breathe, though, so he was there.

"Hello?" I whispered in a faltering voice, the fear of rejection exploding in my stomach.

"Hi." He finally responded after what seemed like forever, but at least he responded. That in itself was more than I deserved.

"Is it to late to say sorry?" I could practically hear him smirk.

"No, Cater, to late doesn't apply to you." I sighed in relief as my back slid down the door, my head pushing back so I was facing the ceiling with my eyes closed.

"I'm sorry." I state, which almost sounded like a whimper.

"I know." I smiled a little after that, feeling weaker and stronger all at once. He was still here. He was still mine. I wasn't alone.

We sat in silence, but that was okay. Just knowing he was on the other end of the phone was comforting enough. I had something to hold onto, and I sure as hell wasn't running away anymore.

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Dudes, I am so so sorry. This year has been insane and I haven't been focused like I should have been. There has been more than I'd like to admit going on and I am so very sorry I left you all hanging. I can't promise more updates soon, but I can promise I will try.
(Spoiler Hint: don't forget about Nate's one love. Any ideas as to who it may be?) Vote, Comment, and all that good stuff. Love you my darklings !