Drowning In River (BoyXBoy)

9: Two Days and I'm Drowning

Waking up with him next to me caused an indescribable sensation throughout my entire body. Part of me wanted to leave and the other part of me never wanted to move. I suppose I had rolled over in my sleep, so his face is right in front of mine, his slumber breath fanning my face. I can smell the cigarettes and peanut butter lacing with the air surrounding me and I honestly don't hate it, but this is so weird, so fast, and the words going over and over in my head are painful. Those words are what I hate.

His reputation should tell you this is a game to him.

I can't understand why I'm taking two days so seriously, but I am. I guess, in a way, I've been hoping for this moment for three years now. He just noticed me though, so why is acting so strange? Why is he acting like he's known me forever? Why does my body accept this as something familiar but my mind is a frenzy of absolute fear and confusion? Why is this silence that lies between me and his sleeping body so terrifying?

"River, wake up." I whisper as I shift a little in his arms. He groans and burrows his face in the pillow his head lies against. He looks so adorable in front of me. His hair astray, yet still some how perfect. His full lips parted slightly. His beautiful eyelashes brushing his high cheekbones. His bare chest only one layer of clothing from mine...

I shake him a little and he groans again, shaking his head slightly in his sleeping daze. "No. It's to early." He huffs out as he pulls me closer and attempts to get comfortable again. "Go back to sleep."

I move again, pulling away a little to look at the digital clock on my nightstand. Now I groan. "River, it's twelve. Get up. We need to get up." He makes a disgruntled sound, but finally opens his eyes.

For a moment we just stare at each other. His eyes soft and tired, his skin tinted with a slight shade of red. I probably look horrible, but I'm to focused on his blue orbs to move. I am frozen in water that is River's eyes, and there is no warmer way to freeze.

When his eyes widen a bit, I feel my heart shudder. When he pulls away and sits up abruptly, it breaks a little. When he swiftly moves out of bed and tugs a shirt on, it shatters in my chest. I feel the fear bubble up within me and whatever is left of my heart pounds so wildly it's painful. He runs his fingers through his hair forcefully as he looks through his phone, his fist balled up at his side.

"I... I have to go." He whispers as he grabs his pants from the floor and grips his phone tightly in his hand. I want to tell him to stay. Tell him to talk to me. Hell, I want to apologize even though I've no idea what I possibly could have done wrong. But before I can decide on how to respond, he has already changed into the clothes from yesterday and is almost running out the door.

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. All I know is that I'm hurt. I want to run after him. I want to know what I did, why he left so fast, but my body is completely numb within the mess of blankets surrounding me. The silence he leaves behind is deafening and it thickens the air around me. The anxiety pumps through my veins and the tears burn at my eyelids. The last thing I said last night replays in my head, and every time it does I break a little more inside.

I told him.

He left.

~•*•*•*•*•*•~

"Maybe there was another reason he got so frazzled. Stop jumping to conclusions, Carter." Taylor is on the other end of the phone. I feel guilty for calling her while she was at work, but I needed someone to talk to, and she is all I have.

"You should have seen the way he looked at me when he woke up. It made me feel disgusting." I continue to walk the block as I speak lowly into the phone. My parents got back from their weekly vacation not long after River left, (by weekly vacation I mean they get a hotel room every Friday) so I left so they wouldn't eavesdrop.

"I don't care how he looked at you this morning, the way he looked at you last night said something totally different. I think you're over-exaggerating." I sigh into the phone and swallow the dryness in throat. Last night was fun. It really was, but this morning, the look on his face, it all told me that he was freaked out. Freak out by me. Because I'm a freak.

"Taylor, I told him." I say for the eighteenth time since this phone call began.

"Yeah, and he still stayed the night. Besides, it was obvious he already knew. Something might have came up. You never know. You should stop thinking the worst all the time."

"What if-"

"No more 'what ifs' Carter! You being gay doesn't mean the entire universe is going to hate you. And if by any possible chance he did freak because you're gay, which I highly doubt, then oh fucking well. It happens, and you get over it. But what if he actually likes you, but had an emergency? Huh? What if you're acting like this for absolutely no reason? Just chill the fuck out before you drive yourself crazy."

I take a deep breath and nod even though she can't see me. "You're right. I'm acting stupid. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay Hun. Go get some coffee or something to calm you down and then just smile. It'll all work out. Love you."

"Love you too." And I hang up.

I know she's right. I shouldn't be so paranoid. But I can't shake the feeling that something is really wrong, and my head is determined to make me believe it's my fault. I sit on the bench that sits to the side of the vacant street, and I bury my face in my hands.

Two days and he already has me in a mess.

Two days and I've already cried over him.

Two days and I already have the ability to miss him.

Two days... And I'm drowning.

________~|~
My baby!!
I can't even. Poor Carter finally gets a small taste of what he's wanted for years, and he's already broken-hearted.
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Remember! I just need one comment by chapter 15 and you can get a ticket into River's head! Love you my darklings!