Drowning In River (BoyXBoy)

Reality Check: The Reason For My Writing (Author's Note)

Have you ever walked into a crowded room and felt completely and utterly alone? If so, then you may, in the slightest, understand the characters to all of my novels.

I have come to learn that we live in a very, very messed up world or prejudice, bias, stereotypes, and... Pain. I write about pain. Though this statement is very depressing, it's meant to make people see reality. Abuse, drugs, bullying, self-loathing, confusion, suicide, and a hell of a lot of drama isn't only something used for television. It's real. It's very real.

I know that I write about love. I'm well aware, trust me. But if you look deeper into my stories, aside from my painstaking, fucked up point of view in romance, there is a story behind each and every character I write about. Sierra with her abusive father, suicidal impulse, sexuality, and fear of her own being. Jake with his fear of being left, bipolar tendencies, and hatred toward life. Diane with her slutty and wild life style. Patrick with his sexuality. Gage with his to quick attachment. Eris with her oblivion toward the fact life is not a movie. (All characters to I'm Looking at You have a much richer dark past behind them and if I ever recollect my inspiration to continue their existence, you will learn they are just as fucked up as the rest.) Taylor with her bulimia, Carter with his anxiety toward being noticed, and River with his hatred toward people. They all have problems. Many I can relate to.

You may say that my stories are somewhat repetitive, and maybe they are, but I have a lot to say. If you read between the lines you may understand. We live in a cruel world. Even though predigest isn't as bad as it once was, I've  seen the way people stare at girls who are too thin, guys with their hands interlocked with someone of their own sex or opposite race, people who wear long sleeves during the summer or has the balls to actually wear a bathing suit. I've heard the words whispered through the hallways or around the crowd in the mall. Some remarks have even been deadpanned toward me. It's a shameful thing truly, but it's the world we live in.

I've associated myself with all types of people, and I've learned stories and seen things I will never be able to wash from my memory. You can't be right in this world, it's impossible. Your either a slut or a prude. Your either an attention whore or to stuck up to socialize. Your either an egotistical bastard, or a nerd. Your either an idiot or a show off. No matter what you are inevitably screwed, and even though you know this, you still morph yourself into someone your not just to fit in with a label. God, I hate labels.

•Sexuality
•Abuse
•Self-Harm
•Suicide
•Molestation
•Bullying
•Bulimia
•Anorexia
•Slut-Shaming
•Drug Addictions
•Fear
•Hate
•Judgment

The list can go on and on and on. Hell, enough words to wrap around the Earth.  Life. That is what it is. We can not change that. As someone who sticks out like a red thumb in my religious, stereotypical family, I know something's cannot be changed. But bringing people to Awareness is one step.

Do I believe I can change the world? Yes. Because opening one person's mind impacts society forever. There are all these foundations about GayPride and BalckLivesMatter. Suicide hotlines and Therapy Clinics. All there to change the world just by changing something. You can change things, but this world can never be repaired. It is broken, society is broken. We all have our own opinions, and we are as likely to make everyone believe our way as they are to make us believe theirs, and we aren't likely to do either. We do not think as one.

I believe everyone is fractured. In some way shape or form everyone is a little crooked. There is no normal in this world, my friend. There is only opinion. And that is my opinion. That is why I write. To express my opinion.

Even the most broken people have a chance, but not all take it. I do not wholly believe in happy endings. In cruciality, I don't believe in endings periods. There is always a sequel or a spin off, people do not just stop existing. We all impact somebody, and that somebody impacts someone else. It's an ongoing notion. That is a true infinite tale.

I write because words continue the story. Even when my characters disappear into the void of your mind, I hope my words, rather just one phrase or word or the entire emotion in the novel, impacts you. And I hope one day you will say something to someone who needs something to be said and you impact them. That way my story doesn't end, but more or less combines into an infinite amount of others. All the broken pieces that surround us may move a little closer. We will never find ourselves in unison, but the closer we are the better.

There is one statement that gets me through everyday.

Your hope lies in accepting your life as it now lies before you, forever changed. If you can do that; the peace you seek will follow.

Whatever you are going through, rather major or minor, it will be okay. Accept yourself. That is the first step. Accept others, that is the next. Take this life and run with it, sweetheart. The only way out is through. I support you. I believe in you. Stay Strong.

- Love Savannah C. P. Dark

(No. My last name is not actually Dark.)