Drowning In River (BoyXBoy)

14: Who Else Knows?

It was such a warm moment, to sit there with all of my brothers. Even though Eric and Logan continued to bicker, Isaac stayed silent as he clawed through a book, and Nate picked on all of them, it was an amazing moment.

The doctor said I could leave now that I was up and about. The statement was a huge relief. I hate hospitals. They're so cold and sterile and it's just disturbing. Plus, the food is horrible. They refused to give me peanut butter. I don't know why, but they said no and I wanted to cry. My peanut butter!

Nate offered to take me home, and I jumped on the offer. So, after staying in the small room for as long as possible we all up and left.

I freak out when Slipknot blares through Nate's radio. He snickers as he turns it down so it's simply a light whisper from the speakers.

"Since when do you listen to Slipknot?" I ask as I recover from the shock of the ear shattering volume. Don't get me wrong, I love the band. But hell, I love my eardrums too.

"One of the guys on my squad got me hooked on it. I now understand your obsession." He states with an amused tint to his words. We sit in silence for a few moments before Nate looks over at me and smiles this cheesy smile that makes me uncomfortable. I shift a little and look at him with raised eyebrows.

"I like that River guy. He's good for you. I like the fact he's protective and stuff. We all know you refuse to stick up for yourself."

"Yeah, he's uhm. A good friend. I can stick up for myself though! I got in a fight a couple days ago."

Nate snickers, and drums his fingers against the steering wheel to match the beat of the music. "Yeah, to stick up for your friend." I glare at him then, a knot growing in my stomach. Why did he say it like that? He.. He doesn't know.

"Excuse me? We are friends." This isn't a lie. We aren't dating. Hell, it doesn't seem like River wanted much to do with me when he ran out of my room like a chicken with his head cut off.

"Sure. Keep in mind, I talked to him for like two hours straight." Shit. Did River tell my brother? Would he have the nerve?

"What the fuck did he tell you?" I hiss in a harsh tone. Nate just laughs as he turns onto the highway.

"He didn't tell me anything, Carter. I could just tell by the way he talked about you that there is more to you two than just friends." I feel my heart swell with conflicted emotions. River talked about me? Did he say good things or bad? How many people is that to know? Taylor, River, Eric, Jakob and now Nate? How did I go from living comfortably in the closet to having all these people know? I... What do I do?

I guess I stayed silent for to long, because Nate looks over at me with concern. I shift awkwardly and play with my hands, unsure what to say. What does this mean? Will Nate tell Isaac and Logan? Worse, will he tell my parents? Nate wouldn't do that, but still. And what about River, huh? What if he grows the balls to blab? No he wouldn't do that either. He wouldn't. I know that.

What about Jakob? Jesus Christ, what if someone saw us kissing? What if he gets all pissy because River beat him up again and tells the whole school? I can't encourage myself not to worry about that. That's just.. That's a huge possibility.

"Carter? Dude, chill." I feel the car stop, and Nate's hand on my shoulder. My heartbeat speeds up and my breathing becomes harsh. Anxiety. People know. Everyone will know. What will happen to me? I've seen the movies and read the books. Death threats? Pranks? Will I have to switch schools? Be home schooled? I couldn't. I couldn't stay in the same house with my dad that long. Especially if he finds out too. I'd be murdered.

Sweat trickles down my forehead, and Nate continues to rub my shoulders. He's seen me have attacks before, he's used to it. Me on the other hand, every time I have one, it feels like the first. My heart feels like it'll implode at any moment. I grip onto my pant legs and force breath and after breath. I can faintly hear Nate whispering for me to breathe, that it will be okay. But I can't focus. The ringing in my ears drown everything out. My thoughts scatter. The only thing I see behind my now shut eyes is River.

It happened when I met him. It came from just Taylor knowing to this. And what for? He left. He fucking left. Then again, he came after me at the party. I still can't figure out why. Why was he waiting outside my classroom Monday? He shouldn't have even been in that hall. Maybe Eric and Taylor were right. Maybe he didn't run away because of me. He still could have explained!

You ran away when he was walking toward you. You haven't given him the chance to.

Jesus Christ. What did I do? None of this would be happening if I would have just stayed away from that damn fight. Then again, did I really want to forget about everything? The feeling I got when I was around him. When his arm was around me. Was this my chance to fight for something for once in my life?

I'm gay.

I have a thing for River Sinclair.

River Sinclair is ruining my life.

But, dammit, I'm loving every minute of it.

"Nate. I need you to bring me somewhere."

"Okay. Where?" There is still concern in his voice, but my anxiety is dying down. I clench my fist and then unclench them as I let out a slow, hesitant breath.

"River's. I will show you the way." Nate nods his head, his blue-green eyes searching me for an explanation. I, in turn, give him a look that says it's okay.  I'm okay. Just like that, we are heading down streets, driving to my awaiting battle. Driving to River.

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Okay, so I have made the decision that Chapter 16 will be in River's point of veiw. The next chapter is an explanation, and it's what you've been waiting for probably. Chapter sixteen will pretty much be chapter 15, just in River's perspective.
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