Haley (Criminal Minds fanfic/Spinoff in the Boss's Niece series)

I Can't Be With You

I wasn't sure what to do or say. Jake was holding on to my arms and looking down at me, but I could barely read his expression. I swallowed my pride and attempted to wet my lips.

"Monroe," I said, trying to seem professional. Jake raised an eyebrow.

"You haven't called me Monroe in weeks," he said. "Not since we first met." I shrugged. "Is this about last night? Haley, I'm sorry, I really am. I lost my cool and I got a bit jealous and I did something I probably should not have did. I risked my job, I risked losing you - "

"I can't be with you, Jake."

Tears were starting to prick my eyes as Jake looked at me in surprise and even hurt. It hurt me to know I was breaking his heart, but I couldn't continue to lead him on like this if I wasn't sure of my own feelings. I don't know if I was ever truly sure of how I felt towards Jake, I was just excited to have a boyfriend for once.

"I-I...Haley...um..." Jake stuttered. He was starting to breathe heavily and was looking away from me. I started to worry that he was going to cry, too. "If this is about last night - "

"It's not," I cut him off. "It's about the fact that I don't think I love you, Jake. I have no idea how I feel about you. And I don't feel comfortable continuing this relationship when I have no idea how I feel. I don't want to hurt you, even though I know I'm hurting you now."

Jake started running his hands through his hair, which led to him rubbing the back of his neck. I wasn't sure what to do. We were standing in front of the bathroom, I knew Martin was in there and was probably hearing all of this. I knew anyone could come at any time and witness this break up between two people that were going to continue to be teammates after this.

I had to wipe the tears threatening to fall. My heart was aching for Jake right now. I didn't want to break his heart or to hurt him, but I knew I had to. I couldn't continue with this relationship, at least not right now.

"So," Jake said, his voice breaking. "This is it, then?"

I reluctantly nodded. He made it sound so horrible. "Yes. I'm sorry, Jake."

He shook his head and opened his mouth as if to say something. I was expecting something cruel and hurtful, but nothing came. Instead, Jake closed his mouth and turned to walk away.

I covered my mouth as a sob slipped from my lips. I felt as if I was breaking the team apart; because of me, Henry and Jake had fought and now they were both on back to back temporary suspension, and now I had broken Jake's heart. What if he went to tell Brinson he was leaving the team?

I didn't want to be the cause of any of this drama. Why couldn't I just be normal?

I didn't know what to do. If I went back into the bathroom, I threatened having to face Martin again. If I stayed, I'd have to face Jake for the rest of the day. I decided the best thing to do would be to go talk to Henry as well.

I quickly walked to Brinson's office and told her I had to leave for an emergency. I told her I wouldn't be long, but I was needed elsewhere. She told me to take as much time as I needed. For a moment, I missed the look of pity in her eyes when she looked at me. It wasn't until I noticed a down looking Jake at his desk that I realized what her look and her kind tone had really meant.

As I walked to the car, I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head. First, I was going to address what he did with Crew; I was gonna tell him it was wrong and he should not have meddled in my personal life like that. Then I'd tell him I knew he liked me. Then I'd tell him Jake and I broke up, but I still couldn't be with Henry either because I wasn't sure what my feelings were for him either. He had been like my brother for so long, I just needed time to think.

In my head, Henry would listen while I spoke to him and he'd understand my decision. He wouldn't be mad at me, we'd go back to being friends again like before. But even in my head, I knew that wouldn't happen. I knew the outcome with Henry would be the same, if not worst than Jake's.

I decided to call to let Henry know I was coming over. His phone rang and rang and rang. It was unusual for him not to answer after the first 2 to 3 rings, but I chalked it down to he was mad at me still, which made sense. So, when his phone went to voicemail, I decided to leave a message.

"Hey Henry," I sighed. "Brinson...is sending me to check on you." Not...a complete lie? "I'm on my way over now. I was just calling to see if you're home and to let you know I'm on the way. I'll be there in about 5 minutes."

I kicked myself when I hung up. Why didn't I tell him the truth? Would it hurt for me to just say "I need to talk to you, be over soon"?

It might.

It probably won't.

You're talking to yourself again, Haley.

My heart was starting to hammer in my ears when I pulled up to Henry's. I had to wait a moment before getting out of the car because of how badly I was shaking. I took a deep breath and opened the car door. The blinds in his front window was closed. The ones to the living room. Something that wasn't unusual for someone who was told to rest.

Step after shaky step, I approached the front door. My head was pounding so hard I could barley see straight. I shouldn't be this nervous, but it was different than telling Jake we couldn't be together anymore. I hadn't known Jake long. I've known Henry my whole life. Losing him would be like losing a piece of me.

I knocked at the door and waited. I expected to hear shuffling, slow foot steps, a hesitant door opening (especially if he knew it was me). But instead I was left standing in the cold. I knocked again, to no answer. I decided to call again.

Voicemail again.

"Henry, I'm at your house. I don't know if you got my last message, but...let me in Henry, don't be childish." Wrong choice of words, Haley. "I'm sorry...just...come to the door, okay?"

I sighed and hung up. I waited another minute or so before beginning to aggressively knock on the door while calling for Henry to come answer. It wasn't till I was about to leave that I noticed something on the door. The wood around the doorknob was broke, as if someone forcefully opened the door.

My profiler instincts kicked in and I grabbed for my gun before slowly reaching for the knob. I turned it slowly, paused before throwing the door open and raising my gun quickly.

Nothing. Silence.

I slowly entered Henry's house, gun still raised. I stalked through the porch into the living room where I saw something that made my blood run cold.

The blankets on the couch were tangled, as it someone had tried to get up quickly while covered up, or was being forcefully dragged off. The coffee table was moved slightly, not too much but enough that I knew something had hit it forcefully. The glass that had been in it was shattered. One of the lamps was knocked over with a broken bulb. A bullet hole was embedded in the wall while another was sitting comfortably in the shattered TV screen.

Henry's phone lay at my feet. I knelt down to inspect it when I realized there was crimson liquid splattered on the screen. Blood.

I covered my mouth but it wasn't enough to stifle the scream.

Shaky hands reached for my phone and dialed Brinson's number. It wasn't long before she answered, "Hello?"

I tried to speak but all that came out was a choked sob.

"Haley? Is that you?" Brinson questioned. "What's wrong?"

"You-you have to get to Henry's now. Bring the team," I replied. "His...his living room...it looks like there was a fight here. Henry...he's not here! His phone's on the floor...there's blood and bullet holes. God, Brinson, you need to get here please!"

I was expecting Brinson to tell me to calm down, to not get too involved as this was my friend and not just a possible victim. However, I was surprised when a serious sounding Brinson responded, "We'll be there in 5. Don't move, don't touch anything. Contact your Aunt Jennifer, tell her to lock her doors and stay alert"

I nodded even though I knew Brinson couldn't see me. "Alright."

Another pause before Brinson added, "He's gonna be fine, Haley. We'll find him."