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day three


seungkwan got home, feeling tired and stressed about everything. all he felt was the desperation for death. unlike other people, who will go ahead and just end their lives. somehow, he can't. he's scared of dying, but he wants to die.


"welcome home, baby." his sister got up from the couch and greeted seungkwan with a heartwarming hug, she hugged him unusually tight, to the point where he needed to gently push her away.


odd.


he didn't mind it though, his sister is the one he really needs right now. they've been with each other since they were born and they've been through the thin and the thick. siblings against the world, and the world against the siblings.


if only that will last forever.


he can feel his brain pounding rapidly against his head skull, the pain is there, reminding him that he's alive and that's all it matters. no matter whatever happens.


everything has been a wreck, he doesn't remember much about his past or even his father who passed away when he was 12 years old.


it was only a few years ago.


he also realised that everyone's lives are a ticking bomb, none can survive. unless there's such a thing as a miracle.


but there is none, unfortunately. he doesn't believe in those, in god, in whatever people want to believe.


all he really wants is success for himself and for his family but that goal is almost gone from his grasp, the harder he tries to pull it close to him.


the more it will go farther from him.


all the hard work he has spent in his scholarship and all those years, it's all going to disappear and it's never gonna go back to him.


he can't turn back time.


and he clearly knows that, like any other person. he wants to give everything up and just end all of it in one go. but he just couldn't get himself to do it.


and there is one goal in his life.


he wants to be loved, and to feel love.


he wants to feel that feeling, and wants to experience it, but to him...


everything is too late for that.


"i'm dying anyway."


he muttered to himself, but only did he know that his sister was looking at him teary eyed. 


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goodbye , i'm trash for verkwan.

-llama

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