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199[3rd Entry!

I sighed as I looked out of the window. Recalling all we had ever done together, recalling all our memories, recalling all you've said to me. I never once shut you up, and neither did you. I let you collect me piece by piece, waiting for you to see the constellation of me through those pieces, waiting for you to put together the puzzle pieces.

I've worked so hard. So hard to get you to notice me. A nerd like me tried, and succeeded. Even if it was just for a while. And you know what? You ditched me. After that you dumped me. You had most likely taken advantage of me, then broke my heart. You took advantage of my weak state and then crushed me once more. Why? That's a repeated question, always in my head. Sometimes, I even question my sanity, and what I have done wrong to God, making him treat me like this, like a piece of freaking shit! What was I to you, a toy? A concubine? What is it with this era and playboys! The 21st century, it's filled with playboys like you!

Sometimes, I tell myself to ignore your teasing, your bullying, your fighting. I really want you to be the old you, the one I knew... Why did you have to do this to me? Just when I got better and happier? Was that your plan all along? To use me and drag me along, before leaving me in the dark and dating some hot blonde bimbo cheerleader? Why... why? First my mother, then you... Why does everybody leave me in the end?

You collected me piece by piece, build me back to the point where I almost got over the loss of my mother. You were just a puzzle pieces away, but guess what? Someone decided to leave me hanging and forgotten before locking lips with a bimbo blonde! And you know what! I don't give a damn any more. Get into as much trouble as you want, get suspended, get expelled I won't give a flying damn! And you know why? It's because I'm over you! For good!

But every time I say that, I end up like a lost puppy going back to its master. Why, why can't I just let go? Why can't I just forget you? None of the doctors are helping much, they say I'm a lost cause. I heard them with my very own ears. This must be causing a bomb for my family, since I'm a lost cause, might as well take my life right? No one would find out anyway? But, I want to stay strong at the same time. To get back up and not care about you, to be that girl I've always wanted to be. But all these mixed feelings that I'm having, they're confusing me. You would think I'm done with you, but in truth I'm not. Why? Because I'm still holding on to pieces of you, to the memories of you, because just like you've done, I've also collected pieces of you.