Survivor // Ben Parish

//25//

*Three days later*

By this time all i could think about  is killer being dead, dead in a ditch. So i guess thats it she's dead, and i never told her i love her. The last memory she has of me is me beating her senseless. Im so stupid, how can i let Vosch make me believe she was going dorothy, she's not. Maybe I'm the one going dorothy. Well it doesn't matter anymore because she's dead, yet the feeling deep in my gut tells me otherwise. What if she's not dead an shes still breathing. Make up your stupid mind zombie! Is she dead or not? she's dead.. no no she's not dead.

she's dead

no she not dead

she's dead

no she's not dead

she's dead..

she's dead and theres nothing i can do about it because she's dead. she stopped breathing, she's not alive anymore. and the more i lay here in the dark crying to myself about the girl i love i should be out there telling my squad, trying to find her body. why now? why does she have to die now? when i needed her the most she just goes ahead and dies. But i can't blame her because i almost killed her myself.

"They found her" Dr.Pam says as she bursts through the door.

"killer?"

"Yes killer. Vosch found her"

she's alive.

i got up as quickly as possible. There was a horrible pain shooting through my sides, but i can take it.

"I want to see her" i commanded.

"Its four in the morning, get some sleep. you can maybe see her in the morning"

"No i need to see her now. You don't know how long I've been crying and waiting here alone. I just need to see her. please." i shoudnt have mentioned the crying part but i will do anything to see her.

she let a loud breath out and she rubbed her head, "fine"

i mentally smiled because I'm finally going to see killer, alive.

she pulled a wheelchair from a small closet and opened it up.

"No I'm good" i tried walking but it's too painful.

"No wheelchair. No killer." i rolled my eyes and sat down.

Then i realize i haven't rolled my eyes for a long time. Mainly because i don't have anyone to roll my eyes at, not Reznik, not killer and certainly not Vosch.

Dr.Pam took me across camp and through corridors. Every second that went by made me more and more anxious.

She stopped in front of the door and rubbed my shoulder.

"Go in" she whispered.

i looked up at her and she looked a bit worried,

"What? why do you have that look on your face?"

She looked away from me for a second before knocking on the door. Soon Vosch opens the door slightly.

"He wanted to see her" she said.

Vosch got out the room and closed the door behind him so i couldn't see anything.

"Zombie, go to bed and maybe tomorrow you can see her"

"sir, I really need to see her" my voice cracked mid sentence.

"You can go doctor" Vosch said. "Look zombie, we found her a couple hours ago and she is in really bad shape. Before she passed out i asked her a few questions and she doesn't remember anything."

"her memory is gone?" i started freaking out.

"no, she still remembers the others, she remembers getting here, she remembers you. She doesn't remember you beating her or her beating you. She doesn't remember what has happened for the past week" so she doesn't remember our kiss. "Its best if you don't tell her anything, let me do all the talking."

"Fine fine. I just want to see her"

"are you sure?"

"yes commander i am sure" i said frustrated.

He slowly reached for the door handle slowly turning the nob. he pushed open the door and moved out the way so i could see inside. Laying on the bed was a sleeping killer. But that wasnt the first thing i noticed, it was either her busted lip, a bleeding cut on her cheek, or the tube coming out of her mouth.

It took me a second to react and run to her side, forgetting the wheel chair or my fucked up body.

"what happened to her?" i asked as i grabbed her hand.

"We found her like that"

"what is this for?" i pointed to the tube coming out of her mouth that lead to an even bigger machine that let out a weird buzzing noise.

he took a while to answer me, "she can't breath on her own"

"where did you find her?" i asked with a shaky voice.

"out in the field"

"you just found her a few hours ago, that means she was laying out in the open for days. When will she wake up?" I was freaking out.

"Zombie calm down, she'll wake up..."

I got down on my knees and placed my forehead against her hand. At least now if she dies ill be here with her. Goddamit don't think like that zombie!

"Zombie... like i said before she won't remember anything. its best if you don't tell her anything, not even her going missing." vosch said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"What about her messed up face, and her skin being horribly pale?" i asked as i caressed her soft skin. It was so cold.

"Don't worry ill take care of that"

A few hours passed and Vosch let me skip training for today to be with killer. Vosch left me alone with her to do whatever he does.

i caressed her hand gently with my thumb.

"I don't know if you can hear me killer... Hopefully you're dreaming about chasing rainbows and being with Brandon. It's kind of funny, because i can never imagine my little killer chasing rainbows and petting unicorns. But i guess that was Irene not killer. The killer i know is a person you wouldn't expect. You should have a caution sign on your forehead" i chuckled the last part, "You need to wake up, i really need you here with me, Nugget needs you here, peanut needs someone to look up to, and don't forget our squad. They need you. Please wake up"

A small tear slipped down my cheek and onto her hand. I wiped it off with my sleeve.

As soon as I was about to start talking now again her body just sat up quickly with a loud gasp.