Survivor // Ben Parish

//36//

Once I put the fork down Zombie pulled me off of him and Vosch grabbed me by my arm and started dragging me out. What the hell did I just do? I didn't even know I was doing it. It's as if I couldn't control myself. I can see everything I was doing I just couldn't take control of my actions.

"Leave us alone" Vosch said to Reznik and the rest of the soldiers.

Once the door closed he turned to look at me, "what happened?"

"I don't know sir, I just did it and when I dropped the fork I went back to normal.." I explained. All i could do is tell the truth.

"So you blacked out?" He asked.

"No. I could see everything I was doing I just couldn't... Control myself.." I say as I cross my arms over the table.

"Mhm" Vosch hums as he rubs his chin. "Tell me this, did you enjoy the feeling of having his life wrapped around your finger?"

What kind of questions is that?

"No"

"After all these months and you still don't know that I know when you're lying to me" he chuckled. "I'll simply just ask again. Killer did you enjoy having his life on the tip of your finger?"

I let out a loud sigh and look up at him, "yes I did"

"Describe it"

I took a deep breath and crossed my fingers together.

"There's nothing much to describe, I just enjoy the feeling of having someone's life in my hands. Makes me feel powerful and invincible. I like the way the gun pushes against my wrist once I pull the trigger, and the way it hits the person right in the head making the brain gush out from the sides. I still remember killing those people going Dorothy, and I liked it... They felt like the best times I've ever had." I could feel my heart racing faster, wanting to pop out of my chest, "but my favorite is killing them with my bare hands, chocking them or snapping their necks, it feels like liquid gold in my hands. Remember that girl I killed long time ago.. She must of been around thirteen? She was my favorite. The look of terror in her eyes was magnificent, it was like looking down at a box full of puppies. Then I just choked her. Once I felt her body stop shaking... I can't even describe the sensation that went through my body" I caught myself smiling.. "I probably sound like the devil but I can't help the way I feel. I love killing people, there I said it.. I love killing people!"

I yelled the last sentence and started breathing heavily. I literally went on a horrible rant about killing people and I can't take any of it back.

"I love it.." I whisper to myself as I pressed my forehead against the table in shame.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, everyone has a secret" so this is my secret? "You can't tell anyone about this not even zombie, if they find out they wouldn't understand and look at you as a monster"

"I understand sir... Will you keep my secret between us?" I asked.

"Of course" he gave me an assuring smile before reaching over and giving my hand an awkward rub.

"What's my punishment going to be?" I just want to get it over with.

"There's no punishment" he simply says.

"People are going to say that you're picking favorites"

"Maybe I am. I have a soft spot for you. In the outside everyone sees you as a harsh and tough girl but if they only knew who you really are... Worse than the devil himself" Vosch chuckled.

He's right.

I am worse than the devil himself. I guess I'll have to rule my kingdom then, hell.