Holding on by a thread (Bleach X Reader)

Chapter Eleven

The days were slowly passing and (Y/N) was starting to feel the pressure of the god games already. As much as she tried to focus on her physical and mental training, eliminating the thought of abandoning her friends wouldn't disappear from her mind... Non the less she had to power through her thoughts to strengthen her abilities. However struggle was at hand as the powers she was supposed to receive, were not bestowed upon her yet. (Y/N) lingered on the fact that this could possibly be because of the fact that she is not trying hard enough or maybe... just maybe, she wasn't believing in herself or Kanamori enough. "ARRRRGGGHH!" She yelled out as she slung her sword back and forth, she stood forward counting each step "LEFT! RIGHT!" She looked upon the room that she trained in, the room was filled with nothingness apart from the bonsai decorated shōji that had metallic pink flowers painted on it. "Do NOT get distracted (Y/N)!" she screamed inside of her mind.

"Hey Hun, How's your training going?" (Y/N) heard calling from downstairs. She panicked in realisation that her father was leaping up the stairs to check on her progress. Anxiety got the best of (Y/N) as she grabbed her water bottle, poured some on the clear still water into her hands and splashed it onto her nervous face and her frail shoulders. Just before her Father slid the highly decorated, (Y/N) grabbed her katana and modelled a fighting stance "Hard at work I see" her father chuckled. The honour and pride filled his face when (Y/N) knew that she couldn't possibly tell him the truth on the matter. (Y/N) imposed an asthma-like breathing pattern and slid the back of her hand against her forehead "Yep... You know me, I will not loose when I set my heart on something" she deceived like the snake in the garden of eden. "Come on then sweetie, let's see you training!" Just as (Y/N) was about to reply, her father added "OH! and of course I need to see you deadly God powers!" as he slightly crouched and waved his hand to a karate pose. (Y/N) actually begun to sweat, she didn't want either of her parents to know that she made no progress... She wanted nothing more than to make her family proud of her. "Dad, seriously... your soooo embarrassing when you do stuff like that" She whined.

"I can't show you my God powers just yet anyway... It's like they get a bit out of control when I feel under pressure so I don't want to risk my powers accelerating uncontrollably with you or mum in the room... You know... Just incase I hurt one of you's" (Y/N) violently added as she curved her shoulders, took her left hand into her right and started to fiddle with thumbs. (Fathers/Name) could sense a little bit of tension and a tad bit of embarrassment emitting from (Y/N) so in order to break the tension he chuckled slightly and reached his hand to his loving daughters chin to pull her face to look at his and said lovingly "In your own time my precious daughter' before he took to his exit. (Y/N) gasped with relief when she heard her father arrive at the bottom of the stairs "If only there was someone I could speak to about this" she questioned but If she was being truthful to herself, she already knew the answer. "Ichigo has always been there for me, when I felt down he was the first to bring me back up... but now that I pushed not only him but Uryu, Chag and Orihime away... I have no one" She stared aimlessly at her feet, still twirling her thumbs. Her focus again leaned more towards Ichigo as she fell onto the floor and grabbed her phone. "He was my first friend... and I flung him out like an old sweatshirt." questioning her actually feelings from the carrot top boy she spoke out loud "Is my feelings for him in a way of friendship or something else" still glaring at her phone. Suddenly (Y/N) unlocked her phone and started a text...

"Hey Ichi, Its (Y/N)... I know we haven't spoke in the past few days and we kind of ended up on bad terms... I miss you's all so much but especially you Ichi, I really need someone to talk too but without you and the rest of the gang... that leaves me with no one. There is nothing more that I want right now is to just get one of those big stupid hugs that you give and to share all of my problems with you... Ichi... I think I kind of Love y-"

A single large tear dropped from her (E/C) eye's, which caused her to quickly delete every heart-felt word that she had written in her text to Ichigo. As much as she wanted to confine in her best friend, she knew she would instantly regret bringing him into the mess she called her life. Brushing and burying her current feelings she slid her phone against the training room floor, aggressively grabbed her scarlett red katana and jumped onto her feet. "I need to get stronger" she chanted to herself as she carried off where she left, by slinging her sword in every direction, stepping strategically as if an opponent was standing face to face with her, trying to be at one with her so called other self; Kanamori Shina.