Legitimately Me ||H.S||

Chapter 14

"Words. So angrily spoken. So in my face. They tell me what to do and how to do it, with no choice in the matter but to do as I'm told. And I wonder if I should stay or if I should go. Their words, they sting. They ring loud and clear. This is how it's going to be. Take it or leave it.

And their words speak volumes along with their actions. Melding together flawlessly to make the perfect unloving people that I unfortunately have to call my own flesh and blood. In a world where love is a myth and I am just an untold story.

It's obvious there's no love left. There hasn't be any for so long, I forget what it feels like. And when I look around me, I wonder if people can see I'm almost drowning. Is it obvious I've barely got my head above water? Sometimes I think it would be easy to just allow myself to go under, but what good would that do? What a fucking waste that would be.

There's still so much life to live. So much to see. So much to do. As it is, they are just words, from people who don't give two shits about me. And although I've taught myself not to care, sometimes it all comes back. On days like today, when I'm given a sliver of what it used to be, it's all too fresh in my mind to not have the strength I usually do.

And even when I'm given moments of solitude, where I can literally feel like I was given something I needed, the moment I step back into this place, reality always hits harder, as if I wasn't allowed to breathe in any happiness at all. As if those small moments in time I get to share with the stars, mean nothing. They're just snippets of the world I want to stay in. Where the sun and the stars meet and will forever hold onto my dreams.

But I am forever stuck in the land of lost hope. Just praying that one day I will find my way out. For now, I'll just whisper to the rain, to hear it echo back my name, and scream into the dark, because everything is tearing me apart.

PS: If I have to listen to 'It's all your fault' one more time, I think I might throw myself off a cliff. Just for the record. I'm losing my fucking mind.

Girl_Disconnected"

I've shut myself in the wardrobe room, sitting in the corner, trying to stay awake through lunch hour. My mood is horrid today and I don't think I have ever been this tired before in my life, as I scroll through job postings on my phone. Despite the fact I have more money than I know what to do with and don't really need a job, there's no way in hell I'm giving that money to my parents, and unfortunately I won't leave the comfort of my bedroom, no matter how miserable being there makes me, until I at least graduate. And so, the only answer I've come up with, is to get a job.

Last night I went through a whirlwind of emotions. Most of which that drained me. My parents really did a number on me, and while everything seemed so calm when I was with Harry, the storm started up again when I crawled back through my window. But this time it came in a much different way than I'm used to.

Mom was sitting outside my bedroom door, crying and screaming, 'It's all your fault,' through sobs over and over again. I made the mistake of asking through the door, if she was okay when I got home, making her go on for hours knowing I was there. She said it wasn't their plan for it to go the way it did. I should have just cooperated with Dad and I never should have walked away, because she had to pay for my bad attitude.

I knew that it wasn't all my fault. I may have made him mad, but our family has trouble keeping in how we really feel to each other, whatever the consequences would be after it came out of our mouths. My mother especially. She easily added to his anger, I know she did. I didn't need to be there to know that.

She kept me awake longer than I normally would have been up for on a Thursday night, making me miss the entire first period and half of second. I'm so happy there is less than two months left until I graduate, and I won't have to deal with any more detentions, or asshole teachers.