Legitimately Me ||H.S||

Chapter 43

I've been finding myself in the same position every day after school for the last three days, sitting on Carter's bean bag chair in the corner of his room while he played video games and yelled at the screen. I made him promise not to ask. I didn't want to talk about it. And he's been good with keeping the promise for me, just allowing me to sit in his room so that silence doesn't overwhelm me.

It shouldn't have surprised me that Harry didn't show up to work on Sunday, but it did. Saturday's shift after Kate left wasn't exactly what I would call a fun time. And so I had to work eight hours with a pale faced sick Tenley who had zero spunk like she normally had, making the entire weekend seem far too long altogether.

I've been staring at my phone for the last three days, as if watching the screen would make a reply come through. But it didn't. And every hour that passed almost drove me to insanity. I don't know why I wanted to talk to Boy_Undiscovered so bad, but maybe it was the lack of unexpected replies that made me want to talk to him even more. We both hadn't posted a blog post in a week, and not seeing his words on the screen at all, left me feeling lonelier than I already felt. And every other time we had had a small chat, replies always came through almost right away, making this silence kind of a mindfuck to me.

Girl_Disconnected:
Hey...Are you busy?

Silence.

Girl_Disconnected:
Can you chat today?

Silence.

Girl_Disconnected:
I miss you.

Girl_Disconnected:
I mean, I miss your words. Not that I miss you.....I don't think.....Or maybe I do. Or don't.... Just reply to me please.

Silence.

A few small messages sent over the last few days without replies sit in front of me. The cursor on the bottom of my screen almost mocking me every time it flashes telling me to say something again. To ask why he wouldn't reply to me. Had I done or said something wrong?

No. 

If anything, the only place I don't mess up is on the internet. Sure, it's where the truths of me are set free, a mess all in itself. But despite it being the place I get to be legitimately me, faults written all over it, I hadn't messed up. Not with him.

And I can't understand why it is he won't reply to me. 

In my head, we have a great relationship; Purely platonic. We know each other better than anyone else, in a way that you'd only know someone through writing. Through reading someone's thoughts, you know exactly the kind of person they are. You are able to be inside of their head, even if it's just about one subject. With Boy_Undiscovered, I didn't have to know him in person to know that his heart is bigger than anyone's I'd ever met. The way he feels. Love. Heartbreak. His emotions are clear as day in his words and more importantly, reading those emotions and knowing he gets me, is more than anything I could've asked for to find.

And not being able to read his words made me realize how much I miss him. It's why I messaged him in the first place. Part of me had the need to know how he was doing after what he wrote in his last post. I wanted to make sure he was alright.

His silence has started to make me think that maybe he isn't okay. That somehow, like me, he doesn't want to talk to anyone when something is wrong, tearing himself from the world and living in his own bubble until he feels like it's okay to venture out of it.

And in this moment of speculation I let out a long sigh, closing the conversation. I know that I won't get an answer, no matter how badly I want one and I have to get my mind off of it.